uncertain future...

ii receive a winnie the pooh from jason when ii got back to sch after my suspension... tat day is oso my birthday... 15~04~2004
got home early and wait for u come over to mii fetch go celebrate my birthday...
at the meanwhile, ii talked to jason through phone...
a patch was asked from him... and ii accepted... =P
hung up the phone when ii about to called u and tell u ii had patched wif jason...
my hp rang... a special ringtone tat ii set onlii for u... my loved ones...
"daphne..." slient after callin my name...
"yiqiang!! ii got somethin to share wif u guys..." ii was so happii tat moment and unable to sense out ur misery...
"ii... nd to tell u somethin...." finally ii sense a different of u...
"calvin... u are so strange?! anii thin happen?" in tat second ii haf a uncertain feelin... ii feel tat somethin had left mii... verii important to daphne ng...
"plz calm dwn first!!" u seems nervous and ii juv ans an 'okiie'...
"david... he... had a car accident... we are nw in the hospital..."
without sayin anii 'goodbye' ii hung up the phone and ran out...
ii didnt realize it before tat my hse is so far to the hospital...
8:11:49pm... 脑部缺氧，失血过多
how cruel can it be!! he was onlii 18... how could u take away his life???
he didnt do anii thin wrong... but the most is... ii hate myself...
is all becos of mii... ii caused david to death... wont forgive myself...

a sudden thought

when is our last met?? the coincidence in amk???

but u are walkin together wif ur stead... finally ii saw it by my own eyes...

tat day was still my birthday... 15~04~2008

how cruel the fate and life is...

the more ii avoid the more ii will see...

oso when we saw each other, u pretend cant see mii...

ii noe ur stead is a bit too sensitive, so ii cant realii blame u too much...

but... becos of her, u make use of ur frenz...

nw den ii realize...

waitin might not haf good outcome...

daphne~u r juv day dreamin...

trustin ur own feelin or sense will onlii drag u deeper...

however...

when ii thought tat chances or feelings are juv beside,

after tat it will lost after a short period of time...

it is hard to sort out feelin

but it is easy to let the chances to get away frm my side...

is not daphne dun grab thoise chances,

is daphne unable to grab all tis...

stop askin why...

becos even daphne is confused...

当我以为我看见希望时，老天却对我残酷！

我不愿相信命运，但早在很久以前，命运就把我的故事支配好了！

既然如此，无论我怎么努力，结果都不会是我想要的！

however... daphne will wait...

cos ii noe there will sure be a person there for mii...

stay wif mii, pamper mii, dote mii and love mii...

small story in sec 2... (2004)

new life started... ii noe new friends, ii am in a new enivronment, ii handle new things, ii come across new things... but ii didnt forgot u guys... we still meet out and haf fun... the onlii changes will be Calvin was no longer my rich boyfriend... we are juv purely friends... with accompanies of David and Yi Qiang... ;) finally it was my second year in sch, oso my life changed tremendously in tis year... 如果时间能够倒流，我希望一切能改变。。。
my second time break wif my ex... ii faced alot of negative views from friends in ur class... they said ii m a third party, ii stolen u away frm ur ex... over a night, all my friends became my enemies... they wont forgive mii and they dun listen wat ii explain... ;( however, they were oso hypocrites... they juv talk bad behind my back, they even asked mii to patch back wif my ex... in tis time, ii was suspended bcos ii whacked daphne foong... juv for a day, ii returned back to sch on my 14th birthday... so... everii thin started on tis day...
祝我生日快乐，但是，我真的值得快乐吗？？？

Letting Go...

"sorrii... tis is not wat ii can control..." ii said to u... ever since ii noe actually there is another gal lovin u and ii got to noe ur brother fell in love on mii... ii m confused... wat shld ii do??? at last, ii made a decision... lettin u go... u can blame mii, u can scold mii... but my reply will always be "sorrii.."
ii muz be foolish and selfish tat time... ii even wan u to be wif the gal tat love u... so wif no grumbles, u accepted... however, u neglect her... r u punishing mii?? u let mii became a sinner, becos ii force u to be wif her so u punish mii in tis way... 我让一个爱你的人在你身边，但你却冷漠她！den wat u expect mii to do??? u can neglect her, but ii cant do the same to him... tis shld onlii be our problem, why are we draggin them dwn??? 我心软了！ii agreed to stay beside u... we are all selfish... we neglected their feelin, we are sinner...

Heartless Lad...

ii cant image u can actually sae tis to her!!! jia qing... tis might be ur decision and choice but can u respect her for the time being??? how can u malign her like tis??? dun u understand her too?? she haf been wif u for long, if at the beginnin u dun like her outlooks den why still go sweet talk her??? jia qing... a man shld take the consequences... since u haf chosen den ii cant talk much becos tis problem is not wat a outsider shld take place... and if even cant be friends den lets forget each other... btw, ii oso dun tink u treat mii as fren... becos ii m not tat close wif u oso... 希望再见面时，你不会再如此了！不过，我还蛮不想看见你的！
gal... tis for u... dun tink too much... worthless lehx... we can sure find a guy better than him... 100000~~~~ times... so cheer up oh... will be there for u de... =DDD we still young mahx... we shld cherish our life nowadays those earthquake and watever dunno is it a warnin to us... life is short oh... so lets treasure it... play hard and work hard... =DDDD

feel pity for my dearest fren...

haiix... actually shld not be mii the one tat write here... however, ii tink got ppl will haf a chance to read so ii juv note down... even though ii alreadii noe u wont treat her tat good... but cant u see how much she sacrifice for u??? tis kind things might not suitable for a outsider to settle, but ur attitude and excuses are so unreasonable!!! u might not be a good boyfriend but ii juv hope tat u can at least respect her!!! but u didnt!!! u cheated her for so long!!! how many tears had she drop for u, dun u feel anii sorrii for her??? and the gal u chosen... ii dunno shld ii sae tat u r foolish or wat!!! u are the same as her... but u can still be ur guy and thought tat he will still love u??? mayb he will love u for the time being... but there will sure be a gal tat attracted him again... he will dump u off juv like how he dump my fren away... ii not afraid got anii problem so ii dun mind to write out the names... jia qing, if u realii tink tat u haf no wrongs den ii advice or warn u, stop bluffin anii gals... ur sweet talk are not suitable for everii gal... dun u scared u will haf retribution one day??? ii wont curse u, cos ii tink is not worth.... dirty my mouth onlii...

3 months 3 weeks 6 days...

wow... haf a rich boyfriend was damn good lahx!!! go for datin everii thin oso he pay... but sometime ii got frustrated becos of tis... so ii insist to pay for my expenses sometime... but he will always told mii: " ur finance is not good, so let mii pay lahx!!" however, my answer will always be: " ii dun wan our relationship got anii relate to money..." u tink tat ii unreasonable but tis was somethin tat ii hope u can respect mii, so ii even threaten u tat if u dun accept my request ii wont eat anii thin bought by u... 'bo bian' u nd to tolerate my unreasonable request... 谢谢你容忍我的任性！！our first valentine on 14/02/2003... becos u r my first love so ii took time on choosin ur present... and oso be wif u, den ii noe alot of fren and ii m the youngest!!! hehex... =DD
"david... y r u here??" durin my shoppin of present, ii saw david, calvin's brother...
"juv shop around... r u choosin present for bro??" he asked... at last he followed mii and help mii chose a present for calvin... finally ii bought a valentine present for calvin... =)
"我喜欢你！！" tat day... someone said it to mii...

Second Met...

3 days later (20/11/2002)... ii was chatting wif a bunch of frenz at the usual place near our sch... suddenly all my frenz were lookin somethin behind of mii... ii was curious thus turn my head, juv when ii turn... a bouquet of red roses appeared in my eye sight...
"can you be my girlfriend?" can tis consider fluent english? to a 12 year-old gal tat time, how shld ii react?? even though ii m confident to my quick-witted... but tat time ii realii lose my mind... ii frogot everii thin... the sentence keep repeating in my mind until my fren actually hold up my hand and accept the roses... "sorrii ! are you alright??" tis was my reply... ii was too shocked and suprised and ii actually forgotten wat shld ii sae !! "ii m fine... ii noe how to speak mandarin... u haven answer my question !" in front of mii is a tall and slim guy... ii found him familiar den finally ii noticed behind of him there were two other guys... so ii finally figured out the guy in front of, talk to mii and ask mii to be his girlfriend... he is the guy tat ii banged onto 3 days ago at 'chomp chomp'... he actually able to find mii and ask mii all abt tis... 一个碰撞，换来了我的初恋！"u haven answer my question yet..." he asked again...
since ii had been rejected and ii m so sad nw, ii shld get some consolation and accept him riitex??
"okiie ! since ii juv been rejected, den u help mii to forget him bahx..." so we are dating...
hu are they?? can ii write out?? ii tink can bahx??
the guy tat was my boyfriend tat time is Calvin, two guys behind of him is David and YiQiang... adding to it, Calvin and David are actually twin brothers....

First Meet...

today (17/11/2002) ii confess to the guy ii like...=D however... he rejected mii !!! ii shld noe tis result long ago... but ii still hope to take a try becos PSLE is over, we will be apart soon therefore ii dun hope to haf anii regrets... mayb is becos of my character too?? so after my confession, oso after mii kanna rejected, my frenz accompany mii out tat niitex... however... god alreadii set the situation... can ii sae all tis are destined?? 一切真的是注定的吗？
"oh!" "wat the?!" such a dramatic knowing... but tis knowin actually changes my life tremendously... 我的世界从此有了巨大的改变！
"shouldnt u apologize?" the guy ii bang to, sae to mii angrily. "ii dun see the need to apologize, you bang on mii too !!" ii might be unreasonable but ii m in tat bad mood tat time...
"u r so unreasonable!!" the guy said... behind of him there are two other guys... ii dun care and walk away through their side... is all tis realii destined?? becos you guys are able to find mii without asking anii of my whereabouts !!!

Story Started...

ii wanted to publish my novel online de but ii unable to find anii websites for it so ii decided to write it here... hope u dun mind of mii doin tis decision myself... tis blog oso dunno hu able to look at so no need to afraid... even there are ppl readin mayb ii m able to become a writer?? wat a beautiful dream siia... ii noe u will be able to read de... no matter where u go, no matter when is it, ii believe u will see it... tis blog oso dunno got ppl can see mahx... however, mayb got publisher saw my story will come and sign contract wif mii?? hahax... beautiful dream onlii.... =D
so allow tis story to start... it started from 2002 Nov...

DREAM...

how ii wish ii can be a normal gal... juv a normal gal tat lead a simple life... juv simple like tis:
"a family wif my parents, brother and sister... and if able ii hope tat story happened in sec 2 can all restart... den haf stead durin my secondary sch life, juv a few will do but muz haf feelin towards each other... work as a part-timer earn some money for my parents and family... when ii go poly ii can haf a stead tat be in the same poly or stay near mii den we can go sch or go out together... tis stead will be wif mii for the 3 years thus after ii graduate when ii m out for job other wif the same stead for long or haf a new stead in my new job... den get marry to a guy somehow rich at the age of 26 or 27... give birth to a twin if able, a gal and a guy... den die at the age of around 60 or 70... (WAKE UP!!!)" a dream is always a dream...
story happened in sec 2 cant restart... and in the life nw ii m poor... everii thin is money...
so do u tink u r able to lead simple life??? ii haf write a story of our knowin... a story tat belongs to us... ii hope to complete it before ur anniversary... ii m 18 and u shld be 22 tis year...
就算记忆会消失，爱情还是会留下!!! however, ii wont even forget u... but ii wont forgive myself...

9th May 2008...

ii sent some one a mail... he might be a substitute or a listener to mii... bcos ii dun realii wan him beside mii... or mayb ii can sae ii juv dun wan him the one tat beside mii... however, e one ii realii wan him to stay beside mii is nw stayin beside someone... someone he like... he muz be verii happii and xin fu nw... hu wont like havin a person tat you realii like stay beside u???
这个时候要说什么，要做什么，没有人教过我 ！
ii m nw in a situation tat ii do not haf strength for mii to laugh and do not haf the tears for mii to cry... ii cant stay like tis anii more... ii m tryin my verii best not to grumble tat much... ii dunno will it realii help, but ii hope to take a try...

frm long ago...

ii thought realii can sae 'bye' tat time... but when ii happen to saw u or heard ur news... ii den finally realize ii didnt forget u... however... feelin are not there... no matter is to u or mii... ii can onlii "zhu ni xin fu"....