相爱容易相处难，

知情简单假装难。

Got some ideas from Xiujing's blog and wanted to write something similar like hers..

How could I know what happen on you and act as though nothing happen??

Just because I think of your situation doesnt means I need to act that I dunno..

Anyway, I guess you know better than me what kind of character I am,

venting all this out here, and expect you will come and confront me soon or later..

(Mr. Tan Yi Qiang, dun HIDE!!)

笑容挂在脸上，

眼泪往肚里吞。

LUCKS didnt follow me for long, it makes me disappointed time and time,
I guess time really makes the different..

I can fall in LOVE so easily, but couldnt remains the feelings that long,

I wish to forget my past, but there is a invisible lock holding on my legs..

Walking forward doesnt means I get out of my past,

and frankly speaking, why could I see through LIFE and DEATH so easily??

*silly*

天下无不散的宴席，

尽管不舍还是会离别。

True and real friends do not need daily contact in order to keep their relationship firm,

since TIME able to prove everything, it will shows whose are/is your friends..

I believe by the time I get married, those who I invited over will be friends that stay for me very long..

Can I forseen the future now??

I guess it might be a tough job..

生命里的一首小插曲，

改变了主曲的旋律。

Every single thing or person that walk in or out of my world, plays their role..

He/She might be my best memories or did something unmemorable to me,

He/She might be my enemy or hurt in a certain way that I dislike so much,

however, I guess the only one that can make me feel so up and down,

will be myself..

Jordan gave me a scenario just now, and my answer irritate him??

But, this is the most definite reply I gave, and I really feel in this way..

有始有终，时间嘀嗒嘀嗒地走着，

你的背影也随着远去，

迎接我的是黎明前的黑暗，

还是黄昏后的夜晚呢？

EMO-daphne appeared again..

Please bear with this post and allow me to get over the my mood soon,

a sleep later will turn my mood over again..

*just LOVE you*

I lack of sleep from yesterday till now,
get on bed at 4.35am on the morning and woke up at 11.25am,
combo calls from Mr. Tan until my daddy answered my call and told him I am still sleeping..
End up, my daddy talking to him on my phone and my mummy woke me up..
=PP
He was then invited up to my house and waited for me to finish bathing,
at first intend to bring my parents along to go out, but rejected at last,
because they said should let the both of us go shopping and not get disturbed..
=DD

Headed down to a place I LIKE the most, Fullerton Hotel!!
Dim Sum buffet there at $28++ per person, from 11.30am-2.30pm..
Luckily my attire was presentable, if not 'pai seh' till hell lo!!
I guess the next time I going there to eat will be 6 months later??
So expensive and the servings are so pathetically SMALL,
it was a buffet therefore should be eat till turn fat then worthy,
but I think ten plates of dim sum were my limit..
Whereas my Mr. Tan ate more than 20 plates,
he was going to gain weight by 5kg!!
(curse him..)

That was our high-tea, after that head back his house,
how is he able to book out, because his reservice is OVER!!!
Therefore, I will start to MISS him again..
I must be the one who gain weight and not Mr. Tan,
our dinner was at 'Chong Pang' which is a buffet again!!
If I will to gain weight, Mr. Tan will need pay for my fitness courses fee..

Mr. Tan advised me not to be serious over the guy in my class,
because he expected an outcome which I will feel sad over it,
anyway, I didnt intend to moved on as Mr. Tan is still inside my deep heart,
and the other guy is still getting my attention..

OK!!
One of my dear dear's turn,
she mentioned something to me just now, in the beginning of today,
therefore I wanted to help her keep a record!!
She felt abit wasted to be attached in this time, as she is noticed by cute guys NOW!!
Of course she still LOVE her boyfriend ALOT,
but this is something irresistible and feel happy for..
Dear (you know who you are),
eye-candy is meant to look, anyway I know you wont 'dong xin' wan!!

*I learnt to accept facts*

Staring from the "outing" with friends,

meet at Jason's house first and waited for Qiuling and Jacob,

head down to AMK hub to search for Ryan's birthday present,

and we got him a suit of top and bottom..

Movie at 11.45pm, while we bought the tickets at 9.30pm,

therefore went down to Mos Burger to sit and play poker..

"Police & Murder", whatever the game named by people,

and I am a lousy murder, I am so scared of 'killing' victims,

so almost everytime, I guess who is the 'police'..

17 Again,

the movie is pretty nice, storyline isnt too bad,

if everyone is given another to replay their life again, are there anything wanted to change??

History will never repeat, so once changed there is no turning back..

I always wanted time to return, back to the time I wasnt too 'clear-minded',

able to solve or keep everything deep inside my heart,

however.. I just hope things goes smoothly for me now..

I wont request for any over-board hopes,

a simple, sweet and assurance one will do..

After movie, cabbed home and planned surprise for Ryan by his girlfriend,

we just stall his time by strolling around the area..

And we succeed, as Ryan's face changed when he saw his girlfriend,

ate the cake which was 'Oreo Cheese Cake',

even though I dislike cheese but I finish the slice as Jessica just had a mouth..

Ryan cried, too touched for him to handle maybe,

therefore his girlfriend keep hugging him..

I think the atomsphere was so super right and I felt their sense of happiness!!

Went back home at around 3.05am,

blogging now after having my bath,

tomorrow might have dinner with Yi Qiang, see if he is able to book out..

*how to love when I feel disappointments over and over again*

STOP TELLING ME RUBBISH!!

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!!

If I am able to forget, why will I fall in love at the first place??

If time can fade away all this, why will I still able to thought of it everytime??

I guess I am turning unreasonable again,

how could I blame others when I know it is my fault??

Someone please wake me up from this fantasy dream,

I seriously HATE this dream like hell!!

You wont know how much I endured after hurts and pains were formed,

this isnt what I said out can help, it depends on whether am I able to place down..

No HOPE = No DISAPPOINTMENTS

My heart soften again, just after I stop having wishful thinking on him, I fall into another trap again..

Another trap that make myself fell into it and got hurts again,

which means those paths in front of me are full with traps..

Why I couldnt feel the fear of facing the traps and yet scared of facing disappointments??

I should learn how to stay away from disappointments, because I am not suitable in this kind of position..

Whenever I start to believe, it will just make me face the reality,

not sure it is my luck or destiny,

see things I dun hope to seen but not seen things I hope to see..

However, all grumbles started from yesterday and not now..

Therefore, I used a day to make myself get over the matter,

which is kinda of 'fast'??

Even though I know this wont be totally get over, but I am trying bit by bit,

isnt it a good try anyway??

=DD

Clarke Quay tonight, and tomorrow advance celebration for Ryan..

Going wild after my one week schooling,

which is pretty COOL!!!

The first week in school, already start missing all my cliques!!

XINYI, ZIKUAN, LOIS..

Of course my W25F too, but we meet almost every breakout 2,

therefore I will miss my W47C a little more.. =PP

I guess I am immune from the all those pain and hurts,
still willing to wait and see how it goes despite I knew the outcome long ago..
However, he just simply "dump" me out his mind beside as a friend,
can I assume that after 'plenty plenty of time' given, we might change the status we are holding now??
OK, it maybe is my wishful thinking..
Everyone is caring about me therefore I must get over soon,
however.. get over doesnt means placing down..

Tan Yi Qiang is extending his time in Singapore,
he must be the first person that objected me to 'wait' foolishly..
He must has forgotten that, he made me wait too,
so why cant I do it now?? (he will say, he is different)
He always has the ways to defend himself but I know he wont win at last,
because his skills is still not up to standard.. =DD
He is slack-ing in his camp from the past two days,
as I received his phone calls and claim that I didnt update my blog..
My answer was totally no link from his question,
"You have the time but didnt ring me up, still go read my blog!!"
hahaha..
He stunt-ed and promise will call me whenever he is free,
I guess this promise will be left said and not done, which is like "AGAIN"..

*mushy words*

*A BROKEN HEART WILL NEVER EVER RECOVER FULLY*


I know everything will be faded away as time goes by,
however, when those things happen on myself I unable to act so bravely..
The most sweet words I ever heard again,
even though it might be fake or just cheating me in his particular way..
It is stupid when you know that is a lie but still believe it again and again,
I guess he didnt meant to lie or cheat me after all..
He waited for 6 years and I only waited for 1 year,
do I need to wait for another 6 years in order for him to walk in my heart again??
Or I should use 6 years time to place down the feelings and memories,
妳只是在用别人做对的事，来惩罚自己罢了。。

Is it possible to love many people by only one heart??
Treated everyone the same and with same level of love,
is it called as "FILRT" or too much love to share??
I still 'LOVE' him but in the same time couldnt forget how I fell in love on you,
am I a 'slut' in some ways??
宁可要一生一世的爱情，还是永永远远的回忆？？

Today, first day of school..
Classmates are fine, and I think I did a good job,
topic is about mircoorganism..

It might be the first time I confessed straight to Jessica about my feelings,
I guess I got over the matter but the feelings are not fade away..
"Give him plenty plenty of time", this was what Jessica told me,
but I know, time wont change his decision..
I am trying to stay rational and act as though nothing happen,
which I did it, but feeling the pain deep inside my heart..
Of course it is impossible for him to know it,
as my real friends whom reading this post will never betray me..
你没看到，就是我最软弱的一面，也是我掩饰最好的。。


*和他在一起一天，我就能感觉到一天的欢乐*

School reopen tomorrow,
need bring my laptop for configuration not sure if there is rented laptop,
I guess I will LATE in the first day of school..
*TSK*

He just leave me alone again, but I know he didnt meant it..
Grave mistake I made a year ago, not holding regrets but just couldnt bear to it..
An answer that vivid for long, and I do not have the courage to face it..
Was it him the one that betray our relationship??
Or I am the one when fall in love on others??

我明白了努力也會有得不到的東西，
即便再多的等待，換來的還是，
無緣的結局。。。

被愛可以很幸福，
但會比相愛來的更幸福嗎？

愛情裏，付出越多的人越辛苦嗎？
是否忘記看看對方有沒有在付出呢？
一次次的背叛，換來的是原諒還是離別？

如果感覺對了，年齡或是性別，很重要嗎？

My handphone number turned out to be a love counselling hotline,
in the same time I heard more love stories,
was it a bad thing or good thing??
I am confused too..
But I am sure that, Yi Qiang simply dislike me spending my time handling those unimportant matters..
His friends were those that used up my time,
and he could still grumble over these..

Dunno why, he able to come out yesterday afternoon and claim that he booking in at today morning..
Many doubts but just let him be, as he has the heart to come and look for me..
Went to East Coast Park, and I guess my digital camera is spoiled by me,
unable to see the file I taken..
*argh*
Ride the double person bicycle, of course he is the one that used more effort,
because I didnt even place my legs on the paddle..
=P

Done with our dinner, and head back to his house,
just get in his car my phone rang,
thought was Jessica or Jordan at first but the it appears numbers but not names..
Therefore, greet nicely until the person said who is he,
YUP!!
The first time I received a guy's call and he is crying,
one of my "buddy" when I am with Yi Qiang and gang..
He ended his four years relationship and wanted some advices or console from someone,
so I am the lucky one..

Guess he might read my blog, so should apologize if I reveal his privacy here,
however, his experience might be a good example for me too..
被愛可以很幸福，
但會比相愛來的更幸福嗎？
He give in too much to the girl even when he knew the girl still hardly able to place down her previous relationship..
He always thought it is just a matter of time,
believes that one day the girl will see how much he put in and place down the past,
however.. His wishes are not granted..
Therefore, he is just too tired to continue and he ended all by himself,
will the girl turn back and look at him??
Is it able for the girl to choose being loved instance of holding on the past??
I think this isnt what an outsider can say..
Anyway, if he read my blog, I hope he can get over it soon and continue his path..
LEON, 加油！！

Just hang his call, I can see how Yi Qiang's face turned to,
he is just so CUTE like a child..
Talked with him for just 5mins plus, another call came,
"又是誰？妳那麽忙嚒？", his tone changed in last than one second..
A guy again, whom is still someone he know too,
another love story, about betrayal..
FORGIVE and FORGET, this guy able to do it,
regardless how many times his girlfriend two-timer him,
he could just FORGIVE her and FORGET the issue..
Consider as a nice guy or just too foolish??
However, this is not what an outsider should talk more about again..

The third story was a guy too,
I think Yi Qiang's patience used up and answer my call,
"打來幹什麽？" totally unwilling tone he used, then I snatched back my phone,
this time round, the guy didnt cry and was the other round,
he is in very good mood, joyful mood..
"I am in relationship!!"
Of course must congrats him, but when he said his girlfriend is a 'guy',
shock was my first reaction..
However, I still gave him my best blessings,
I know feelings isnt something predictable..


I think I can know why Yi Qiang was so angry,
not only I spend my time consoling people but not talking with him,
also he is afraid that I will think too much after listening all those stories..
However, his worry is right, I intend to think more..
Anyway, I didnt react much on him too..
*home sweet home*
Reading 'Eclipse' now, which make me looking forward for the movie, whereas 'New Moon' is not yet on theatre..

*I step forward but you are nowhere found*

Does it really matter whether or not receive present from loved ones??
I guess I wont put it in heart,
because Yi Qiang's appear will be the best present he gave me..
At first he didnt called me and confirm whether is he coming over to find me,
therefore I assume that he unable to take leave and book out,
so I stayed at home..
Till around 8plus in the night,
he called and said he is on his way down my house..
*sweet*

Not sure how he managed to got leave,
but since he book out then I will take this opportunity to go out with him..
=D
He shocked when saw my face was extremely red and my skin colour changed,
then I told him I went for sun-tanning,
this made him turn mad as he like my previous skin colour better..
Therefore, he grumble a few sentences and hope I wont do it again,
because he just couldnt bear to see me in pain..
And he like my manicure too..

Went down to Clarke Quay,
but not for drinking as he miss the foods there,
so he brought me down to enjoy the foods..
Sometimes he just dislike me to drink in front of him,
even though he is by my side when I drink,
but he just dun like to see me drink..
Maybe because of my gastric,
therefore only when he give me the permission to drink..

The whole dinner, he didnt said a "Happy Birthday" to me,
I thought he will say when he saw me but he didnt,
therefore couldnt hold my curiosity I asked him to say..
He told me that he cant be the first one to greet me then he want to be the last one,
so I understand and stop pestering him for it..
Anyway, he allowed me to drink!!
So we went in a pub and order some cocktail,
actually he see through my mind of desiring to drink,
somemore it was my birthday after all so he let me drink..
=DD

I completed reading 'New Moon', proceeding to 'Eclipse' soon..
Held in his warm arms while he reading through his contract and me reading books,
he simply shocked when I done reading,
but he know when I hold interest on something,
I will let myself finish it no matter what..
At the time of 11.59pm,
he was surely the last person that said 'Happy Birthday' to me plus a song..
THANKS, Tan Yi Qiang!!!



Seriously, whenever I with him,
I have this feeling that I am his "mistress"!!
How could I knew that he is enagaed and still hold him over??
Was it my fault of not leaving with him??
Can I let the time return and forget everything now??
I guess the answer will always be "NO",
whether or not, is there outcome for us, I know both of us just treat everyday as our last day,
and do whatever we think is possible..
RIGHT or WRONG, I hardly able to differentiate now,
but he will always tell me,
I am not in the fault, he broke his promise first so I should be the one who blame him and not the other round..
He seems to use magic on me and made my day brighten up,
regardless how I show my stubborness, he just have his special style to coax me,
and make me smile..
=DD
*I still feel the word, "LOVE"*

I GOT SUNBURN!!!

Just came back from Sentosa,

what me and Jessica gotten will be painful burns..

*agrh*

Jessica love her colour of tanning,

while my skin just turn red..

The after effect seriously scared me up,

double colour on my leg and hands..

Extremely painful on my arms and back,

which made me decided to stay indoor for the next few days..

Tomorrow is my 19th birthday,

if I decided to stay at home,

that means no celebration will be held..

However, I gotten Yi Qiang's call the last few days,

told me that he is trying to take leave and keep me accompany..

Seriously hope he is granted,

even though my sunburns hurt,

but I am still willing to go out if he is available..

=D

Just that he will need to drive car and pick me up,

then the time have to be after 6pm,

I dun wish to go under sun anymore..

*Appreciate greeting but not sarcasm*

11/04/2009

Jessica, drawing circle..

birthday cake..

my drink..

Today meeting our secondary school cliques,
decided to go Cineleisure..
OK..
It should plan to be a advance birthday celebration for me,
therefore Jessica and Jordan went to buy my present before meeting me..
Which I expected it to happen.. =D

Spent 3 hours inside E2-max,
watch movie, play game and of course my birthday cake..
I thanks Jessica and Jordan wholeheartedly,
despite everything were under my expectation,
but I just simply THANKS you guys!!!
*kissed Jessica for it*

We are simply undergoing night life style,
head down to Clarke Quay, "C Clinic"..
What Jessica suggested beforehand,
and with her boy coming along too..
I spent all my money and not enough to have the second one,
therefore I tolerate the desire of drinking,
head home around 2plus..

I guess I got his answer,

shouldnt be pestering when I know I am totally awake..
Anyway, still thanks him..

Meet up with Jessica and,
went down to Bugis for shopping,
but such a wrong timing because it was a public holiday..
Everyone is like fighting over oxygen,
and both of us forgotten that library closed on public holiday..
*argh*

We wanted to have fun so after shopping for clothes and shorts,
we went to do the express manicure..
It made us take good care of our nails for that whole day,
whenever we need take something from the bag,
we were like damn careful..
=D

In coincidentally, saw Yuan Qing and Shi Hui over there too..
Therefore, settled down and chit chat,
after that Jessica going to meet her boy and I went back..
Managed to have dinner with my parents,
allowed me to save money for tomorrow too..
OK..
It is time for PICTURES..

My father..

My mother..

My ear is going to burst later..

Just sent off YiQiang for reservice,

and I need to go "visit" the doctor..

My gastric seriously not listening to what I am saying!!!

*argh*

Yesterday, feeling so damn unwell,

and end up need to go see doctor..

Not sure was it because I keep eating junk foods this few days,

but the doctor said mainly was caused by my gastric..

So luckily that YiQiang didnt called me yesterday,

drag longer to let him know, if not..

My ear will burst shortly..

Anyway, because he care so he will nag,

finding someone that care for you wholeheartedly is not easy,

therefore I will tolerate his nagging..

=D

However, I doubt he will nag that long,

because he might have other things to tell me instead of nag at me..

His camp is still the same,

if he will to call me and say he did read my blog,

I will assume that he is slack-ing around the camp..

As he did it to me last year,

which simply shocked me that how he know what happened to me..

I completed Boys Over Flowers and made me face the laptop,

but dunno what shows to watch now..

=.=

Just when I was watching the Japan version,

YiQiang was by my side that time,

even now, when I watch the Korea version,

he is also by my side..

Such a coincidence!!

=D

But when you ask a guy to watch this kind of 'romance' drama,

his comments will be so annoying and unreasonable..

He will keep saying,

'how can this be happen?'

'it is so dramatic!!'

'so fake la!!'

OK..

Therefore, I pushed him away and asked for food from him..

No other choice, he went to cook for me..

^_^

My posts this few days will only be occupied by Tan YiQiang,

whatever he say to me, I wish to 'record' down,

just in case that one day I will forget..

I am going to save and scrimp for a grand dinner with him,

when he finish his reservice..

But I guess he wont let me pay for any expenses,

gentleman or male chauvinist problem??

I am used to it anyway..

=D

Hope he able to call later..

我们的小说，要完成了。

一定赶得及，在你回去以前给你。。

Thousands of words kept inside my heart,

but hardly able to pour it all out to YOU..

Arguments, tears, sorrow..

Everything just came to me in this few days,

whenever I am with YOU..

How should I decide??

What could I do??

YOU blame me, YOU shouted at me,

just to let me know how much I disappoint YOU..

I dunno how to say, dunno how to do, dunno how to continue,

the only thing I know will only be,

escape..

I intend to escape from YOU again,

it is so natural for me to do..

Without thinking, without hesitating,

therefore, I made YOU angry..

Totally messed up your life and good temper..

"反正，妳本来就已经决定好了！我又被妳抛弃了！"

This wasnt the harshest words from YOU,

YOU didnt talked to me after shouted at me,

both of us were like sitting in the empty room,

and the only thing I could heard was the clock striking..

Completely slience between us,

until I realized my tears drop down on my palm..

I knew I will win..

This is the only thing I hold confidence on our relationship,

no matter how harsh your words sounded,

your weakness didnt change..

This might also be only one that turns your heart over and same to mine..

The first time I got to know how tough for YOU to overcome,

how do YOU endure during this period of time,

those things that YOU never mentioned to me ever..

Expected outcome,

we are as per normal..

The telepathy we hold,

enable us to be as before and forget all the sorrows..

I guess YOU will read my blog,

but I choose to post in this time when YOU are going for reservice..

Maybe our story will just continue every year when YOU are back,

but I know no matter how many times YOU blame me,

till the end, YOU wont bear to see me cry..

了解对方，固然是件好事，

但是，却不能利用了解而伤害对方。

当女孩碰上了思念已久的男孩，

她是否拥有足够的勇气，走上前和他一起离开呢？

不要说女孩没有勇气，就连男孩也没有了当初的勇敢。。

*不能爱的悲哀*

1st of April, (april fool day)

and also Calvin and David's birthday..

Went to Mandai early in the morning to "visit" David,

and off we go for breakfast..

It seems so funny of their birthday falls on April Fool day,

and I didnt shed a single tears,

should I be proud of myself??

Completely calmness and coolness I could ever had in my life so far..

And that couple actually dump their precious son to me and YiQiang,

and went for celebration..

*argh*

But anyway, I think our god-son simply made our life happier,

full of laughter in the house,

even though Zex is only one-year old..

=D

I think married a guy whom know how to cook is most important,

table full of foods were cooked by chef. Tan,

and I am waiting for foods to eat..

=P

He love kitchen so much and in the same time,

he cook well too..*tasty*

The only thing I done best might be..

Milk-making for Zex??

haha..

=D

2nd of April,

I got into an accident..*calm*

The bicycle ski-ed and the tyre of it touched my ankle,

skin peel off and two blue-black..

The most funniest part was,

the cyclist not only apologize to me and also to YiQiang,

it seems that he scared YiQiang will beat him up??

LOL..

But this incident was my fault,

I didnt take a look on the upcoming lane and only focus on the other lane,

so lucky that the cyclist wasnt day-dreaming,

if not..

The whole bicycle might just knock me down,

and I will be in hospital not here blogging..

=D

Applying medicine was the other scary part,

YiQiang get me back his house and applied medicine..

OK..

He must be holding hatred on me,

rub over my blue-black so hard and made me scream!!!

~>_<~

The reason he gave:不揉不会好..

Of course I know, but it really hurt!!!

Finally Boys Over Flowers (korea version of 流星花园) end series,

and I started watching..

I will support the original ending despite the other male lead also look great..

Ok..

Trying to fork out time to update my blog,

and now is time for me to be 'nanny'..

Zex is smiling to me..^^

*I am with YiQiang whenever I could*