因为爱妳，所以我愿意相信妳做的每一个决定。

因为疼我，所以妳顾忌所有对我有害的事情。

可是，我们都忘记问问对方，什么才是他们想要的。

YQ said, if I feel sick again can go to his house and let him look after me since I dun allow him to come over my house..

He is sweet, too sweet for me to handle at the time being now..

I can even mentioned to him, I hope he can only stay till July, at least after 22nd of July..

He just stayed quiet and let me finished what I want to say..

Because he thought I am just sick and talking rubbish that I will forget once I am recovered,

if you saw this, please believe whatever I said were true and I mean it..

OK, he received the reservice letter and off for reservice in two weeks time,

I am going to have a three weeks break without his nagging and no need to worry about him too much, even though he had already started to ask me look after the society and his brothers..

Then I say until so highly, till the end also help him do whatever he say,

so my words sometime couldnt treat too serious also..

He asked me if I will still wonder or dwell over,

who knows I actually can put down or maybe stop thinking that much already??

I am surprised too..

Even him heard me saying this answer, he stunned too..

So life is unpredictable, this moment I can still say 'love you', next moment I saw you hugging another person..

I always dun believe this,

the more you love, the deeper hatred you have..

But now, I guess I am doing like how this sentence talking about,

if one fine day, I started to hate the person I loved the most, what should I do then??

*my answer : never stop beating*

可能我没办法也像你爱我般一样地爱你，

可是我愿意做一百件令你心安的事。

或许我们之间还是少了些什么，但是只要我身旁有你，你身旁有我，

所有的事，都能迎刃而解的。

因为，我们才是彼此心目中的，‘安心’

I had been a good kid in front of YQ this few days, ever since our consecutive arguments,

I learn to be better towards him, because most of the argument were I the one whom started it..

And for the pathetically few times, he was provoked by me..

Yesterday, chatted so long with him and finally got some of his ideas over our arguments,

from the first argument, to the last one..

He said alot to me, and I felt pampered..

=DDDD

I guess this is how we maintain the invisible status,

when everyone started to question what am I to him, he can loudly say who am I,

but in my situation, I cant..

Because I know, everything wont last long..

How many one year do I still have??

How many days can I still count down to??

Both of us are confused..

We are lucky, too lucky till we think it dun belongs to us,

therefore we intend to escape..

He asked me, if time will to return and he didnt leave me behind two years ago,

will my decision be different now??

I must really say, YES it will be a different..

But what to do??

We dun hold the ability to turn back time..

Everything pre-destined,

at the moment you are gone, leave me behind to face everything all alone,

that is always a part missing, regardless how hard we try to amend it,

it just dun seems to be the same anymore..

Create a new life and allow us to stay inside together,

this is what you desire but not what I want..

OK, YQ said my eyesight seriously deteriorating so advise me to go visit a doctor soon before he gonna drag me down..

It is so freaking scary!!!!

What if something bad really happen on me??

So, I wont go see any doctor at the time being, unless I fainted..

=DDDDD

*no, it just kept deep in my heart*

不吵不闹的感情，少了点情趣。

聪明的女人懂得选时机吵闹，而如何化解疙瘩。

聪明的男人懂得何时哄女人，而不让她们受委屈。

We had been through alot, more than what others or even us can think of..

Just a sight, an action, we can know what each other think of and trying to do,

because of the telepathy hid within us that enable us to do so naturally..

Others might not understand why are we still holding such status tightly in hands,

but I guess sometime even we are confused,

there is no definite answer anyway, right??

I know nowadays I had been demanding and this led to our argument which we made a promise before that we should stop quarrel,

to what you know and understand of me, do you think I can sit back and pretend as though nothing happen??

I can directly say NO to you!!!!

I gave you a chance that time, when such real things happened that I couldnt avoid,

but this time round, I can avoid so I will try my best to let nothing happen..

Not that I stopping you to interfere, is do you ever think of it beforehand??

Your identity is different, no longer able to do whatever you want,

prioritize things, I dun need you to be with me everytime, but I couldnt tolerate you arent with me because of such issue..

I really cant understand the word, "BROTHERHOOD"

what special abilities it have that enable each and everyone of you to risk your life into it??

What do you guys gain after that??

Stupid, Fool, Crazy, Childish??

So those are what you all want to hear or see??

I seriously dun understand..

OK, since the matter had been solved lets stop raking it up again..

I guess it wont be the last time, because once you are here in Singapore, you will interfere those problems..

Franking, sometime I hope you rather head back to Vancouver than staying here,

despite I will upset but I think wont be that quenching like now..

可能我还有很多需要改进的地方，

但是有你的陪伴，我相信一切都不是问题。

你会一直在我身边的，对吗？

---------------Like a Rose--------------

And as I look into your eyes
I see an angel in disguise
Sent from God above
For me to love
To hold and idolise

And as I hold your body near
I'll see this month through to a year
And then forever on
'Til life is gone
I'll keep your loving near

And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do
Is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

And when I feel like hope is gone
You give me strength to carry on
Each time I look at you
There's something new
To keep our loving strong

I hear you whisper in my ear
All of the words I long to hear
Of how you'll always be
Here next to me
To wipe away my tears

And now I've finally found my way
To lead me down this lonely road
All I have to do is follow you
To lighten off my load

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

And though the seasons change
Our love remains the same
You face the thunder
When the sunshine turns to rain
Just like a rose

You treat me like a rose
You give me room to grow
You shone the light of love on me
And gave me air so I can breathe
You open doors that close
In a world where anything goes
You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

You give me strength so I stand tall
Within this bed of earth
Just like a rose

LOVE seems to be simple and innocent when young,

but now it is just like a rose,

once touched, the thorns on rose will hurt you,

but after caring and loving, the thorns and rose will become yours..

NEVER TRY NEVER KNOW

However, I had lost the ability to search for the one..

Even dun wish to continue the LOVE I had been holding onto for so long..

*I am letting go again*

“如果连他都会骗我，那这个世界我还能相信谁？”

OK, when I can already stop thinking, stop dwelling over the memories,

even my dream brought me and him together..

I never thought of anything about him after that day, but why those dreams still haunting me down, creating a chaos in my life again??

So do I need to try everything again??

Brought YQ and gang for the movie "MONGA", though I watched it already but still drag them to watch again..

A movie talking about BROTHERHOOD, that simply suit their life,

after that movie, they silent for like half an hour then turned back normal..

Then when we reached home, everyone stayed at the living room while I went back the room,

overheard something when I sneaked out of the room..

FUCKING TRAGIC~~~

YES, YQ is still the most fortunate one..

Even he felt gulity when talking to his brothers,

but I guessed everyone know my intention and yet no one willing to mention,

therefore I kept my mouth SHUT..

The entire night, YQ was like blaming me..

YEAH, blamed me over his bunch of brothers,

in the first place, I shouldnt be so busybody to interfere their problem!!!

Who will believe he is already out of the place??

Who can prove to me he means nothing to the place anymore??

Maybe I am really too busybody, after all what I am to them??

FRIEND? SISTER? or GIRLFRIEND?

Simply stop using the same old excuse to fight with me,

I feel so fucking fake hearing it again and again..

-----------------------end case------------------------

Went to look for Xiujing today, got some books from her..

=DDDDDD

Started reading the first one, and then I realised those thoughts that happened before were true, before I can find an excuse to deny it, the explanation came..

Luckily, I thought of those in the first place..

If not, it wont be that easy now..

OK, before reading those books, must first finish my story..

=DDDDD

Finally can put a stop on the story, after a HAPPY ENDING~~~

*hope it can end my dream too*

祝我自己生日快乐！

今年，我做了很多决定，可能真的大了、成熟了，想法也跟着变了。

我放下回忆，放下爱恋，欺骗自己撑了那么久，终于累了。

或许会有一点点的不舍和不甘心，但是这也应该算是成长的必经之路吧？

我不会后悔自己所做的每个决定，因为不想让自己在接下来的日子还是那么痛苦。

也许，在那段日子我的确是开心的，

每天想着、念着，但是我却完完全全把自己困在虚假的世界里，

无法自拔的。

一直到我已经被逼到了悬崖边，我才意识到自己的执著唤不回他人的拥抱，

而且只要多一步，我就会粉身碎骨。

我怕！

真的开始惧怕了！

所以，我只能为自己着想，放自己一条活路走。

我想我是成功了！

拿起来需要勇气，坚持下去需要勇气，放下来也需要勇气，

我唯一没勇气是在如何面对，如何问起。

在很多人的眼里，我好像不曾失败、不曾不愉快，

可是，我心里却藏着足够要了我的命的秘密、回忆。

在很多人的眼里，没有我不敢尝试的事，没有我不敢告白的人，

可是，我却比别人更固执于自己做的每件事。

或许，所付出的和获得的永远不能成比例，

但，我依然相信没有什么事是努力换不回来的。

我不明白你的用心，可能你不曾用心过，但是却曾真心过。

我不明白你的犹豫，可能是你太辛苦了，但是我却不了解。

我不明白你的害怕，可能连自己都骗了，但是也不要封闭。

到最后，我还是天真地为你说好话，

只是不愿意否定当时的我和你。

可能往后的日子会难走，会流泪，

但只要让我想起你的残忍，我就一定能咬牙撑过去的！

所以还是谢谢你添加了特别的回忆给我。

也许我应该好好的检讨自己才对，

不要再如此有计谋地问话，靠近。

‘女生倒追男生，男生是不会珍惜的’

有例外，因为我身边最好的例子就是：XIUJING，

她让我见到了成功的恋情，维系着的爱情，

可是，我却少了她的毅力和信念。

这真的会是最后一次了！

不再只是说说罢了，因为每天每天我都会提醒自己不要犯同样的错。

这也是连我自己都会佩服我的优点，

拿得起就要放得下。

所以也容许我最后一次说一声：“我爱你！”

I felt relieved..

Please believe that I can do it and support me throughout, FRIENDS~~~

还有没有天理啊？！*气死我了*

I, DAPHNE NG, reaching 20 in 3 more days, and my bastard friends decided to celebrate with me TODAY, but....................................

Just a CALL, and made me waited for them ever since 6pm till now!!!!!

No calls, no reply of messages,

and I haven eat anything between this time,

treat them so nice and climb over my head..

HUMPH~~~

At first I thought they trying to plot something so I happy happy told them to leave lo,

who knows the call really means something and the entire bunch just leave without anyone behind, then I realised they seriously have something to settle..

Which means, they leave me all alone at home but yet I couldnt leave yet!!!!

OK, I am STUPID~~~~~

Pamper me,

dote me,

accompany me,

whatever I desire for in my family, in my relationship, they fulfil it..

So I must not be so angry and scold them so much,

after all, is because my birthday..

~~~~~~~~THEY ARE BACK~~~~~~~~~~

收回刚才暗自骂他们的话！

=DDDDDDD

Brought me ICE CREAM CAKE, brought me DINNER/SUPPER,

brought back my COMPANION!!!!!!

Apologised for many times, luckily they didnt hurt themselves, cause I think they went to settle some serious matter..

But they got come back safely I am glad..

=DDDDDD

They sang four versions of BIRTHDAY SONG,

Chinese, English, Cantonese, KOREA~~~~~~

OKOK~~~

End of this, I got two personalities,

a while angry, a while get high,

just because they are all my DEARS~~~~~~~

My dear JESSICA and JORDAN gave me all their precious time yesterday, known as MY DAY~~

Even though the exact day is not here yet, but never mind with them everything will be GREAT~~~

--------------PICTURE TIME--------------

I drank finished all these,

HAHAHAHHAHAHHA..

My ICE CREAM CAKE~~~

Our NAILS~~~

TAI TAI~~~

I LOVE THEM~~~~~~~

--------------Goodbye-------------

What should I do? I am just watching you
I can’t even say a short farewell
You hold on to my cold hands
But now I have to send you away

What should I do? You are going far away
My heart is filling with tears
Even though I try my best to hide it, I can’t
This heart I couldn’t catch, what should I do?

Don’t forget the memories we loved
Even if you find another person that makes you smile
Even the painful farewell, I am glad that it was you
Gathering all my sad tears, good bye

There was nothing I’ve done for you
Sadly, only scars are left

The person who encompassed my changed heart
Now I have to send you away, what should I do?
Don’t forget the memories we loved

Even if you find another person that makes you smile
Even the painful farewell, I am glad that it was you
If the tears fall because it is so painful to endure

Don’t forget the happy memories we shared

Even if you find another person that makes you smile
Even the painful farewell, I am glad that it was you
My love that I can’t reach, now I have to send you away
The only person that can make me laugh is you

Even if love is so deep and the heart hurts so much
Don’t forget the happy memories we shared
Even if you find another person that makes you smile
Even the painful farewell, I am glad that it was you

The thing that I could do with all my sad tears, good bye

I am trying to harden my heart, and I know it can be done..
Without you, I still need to lead my life and must lead it even better, so I wont let you confused my mind anymore..
Being a fool, I am holding onto you for long without knowing it hurt me the most and not you, therefore I learn my mistake..
Especially today, when I thought everything is fine already but my faith is broken then I must wake up from fantasy too..
It doesnt matter if I stay for one more year or I am gonna wait till 23 years old, because the answer is always in front of me,
I am the one that choose not to face it, but I realised it now, today..
Since the both of us lack of courage then let everything return to square one,
I will be standing at a pitch dark place, so that you cant see me just like how I couldnt be able to see you in the dark..
Goodbye, I will miss you, SKY~~~

FUCKING IRRITATING!!!!!!

I couldnt imagine I can dwell over such matters for so long, without failed..

I had started to feel tired and hate everything, every piece of memory kept in my mind became the best weapon to destroy me in a minute..

WTF had I been through that enable me to be immune and act another me in front of everyone??

WTF should I do to get rid of everything??

"Treat as a birthday celebration, just the two of us go out together, can??"

I dun need to keep this like a birthday wish anymore, since it will not going to happen!!!!

I most hope it will be a YES answer,

but I do not have the courage to ask..

HHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA..

What a JOKE!!!!

I FUCKING HOPE EVERYTHING STOP!!!!!!!

Then I can restart my life all over,

who cares if the time can cure my pain,

now I just want it to get out of my life!!!!

Stop bothering me anymore..

THANKS now,

so far I can still filled myself in words and shows,

when there is nothing for me to do, I guess I am gonna turn emotional again..

YQ said now I dun need him anymore,

because I stop sharing my problems with him,

who knows, I am just stopping myself to rely him too much..

YEAH, nothing much after finished grumbling..

While YQ keep asking me to go out join them and peeping into my posting,

he seems normal, after that incident,

so I will need to be normal too..

=DDDDDD

*one day, I will even forget the person*

I gotten the answer, without the need of asking, the answer just came to me.. It must be pre-destined, I couldnt run away from it and it must be the best I ever got..

I am just a FOOL again..

I am willing to be a FOOL again..

I am turning as a FOOL again..

Therefore, DAPHNE is a FOOL..

Maybe deep in my heart, I had already accepted the answer so I can faced the pain so naturally..

I dun mind such condition to happen, since it meant to be mine after all..

So it comes and goes fast, but just craved in my heart..

Piercing and quenching pain..

Let everything start in my heart and end in my heart,

I make the judge here..

My night blindness has worsen, FUCK!!!!

I love stars so much, later I couldnt see them how??

There must be someone jealous of me,

keep snatching away my luck and happiness, now even my sight??

May as well take away my memories better!!!!

One day, I can only see people from the bright but not the dark,

it must be a relief, then I can no need to be such upset like now..

After all is not a torture..

=DDDDDD

当傻瓜或许才能更开心点，

既然丢不掉记忆，

就当一个称职的傻瓜吧！

“妳可以骗过所有的人，但妳绝对不能骗妳自己。”

“如果我不骗自己，又怎么骗得了所有的人呢？”

它就是这么的简单，不需要多做任何的解释，来了就会知道了。

女生- 如果没看过男生流泪，就别怪他不了解。

男生- 如果没有勇气说出口，就别以为了解她。

回忆和爱情，你选择什么？

APRIL FOOL DAY~~~~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to CALVIN AND DAVID~~~


I should be feeling upset like how it happened the past few years,
despite I felt emo frequently this few days, but I had just learn to resist this sadness..
Of course the piercing pain still exist, but surprisingly it isnt hurting that deep now..
I had improved??
=DDDDDD

I made a promise to him before,
whenever I have any problems, whenever I feel like crying,
must think of him and all such of funny pattern he came out just to make me smile,
so now, I can smile because the memories are with me..
=DDDDDD

I had tried for six years,
carrying the belief and live in guilt for six years,
this will be the last year I gonna have with this belief, after that I will only treat it as my best memories ever after..
Please, dun blame me, forgive me of being so selfish..
I didnt forget, just choose to bury it deep into my heart..
So dun feel upset seeing me not mentioning you anymore, I am bleeding inside my heart..

I will stop thinking that I am JINX whom caused your death,
wont blame myself of being so childish crying over a pooh bear that couldnt be found anymore,
will stop whatever bad comments I told myself in these six years,
if it will make you happier, I will do it..

Make a bet with you??
If I am able to get the pooh bear as my present this year, I mention you everytime and visit you every month,
so if you want to see me often, grant my wish..
=DDDDDD

每个女孩身边，都会有个男孩守护着她。

男孩不习惯把话说出口，只要能静静地看着女孩、陪着女孩，

他就心满意足了。

可是，女孩一直都在寻找那遥不可及的恋爱，

却忘记看看身边的人，

所以，她失去了最宝贵的人。