I believe on myself, believe when there is a sunrise it will definitely have a sunset.
I WISH
1. FAMILY AND FRIENDS LIVING HAPPILY AND HEALTHY
2. EARN MORE MONEY $$$
3. GROW TALLER AND THINNER
4. RETURN MY INNOCENT AND COURAGE
5. GOOD GUY IS WORTH THE WAIT
6. EXPLORE THE WORLD
7. STUDY AT OVERSEAS
8. THE GUY DID PUT ME IN HEART
9. DO THINGS BY MY OWN WILL
10. LET MY DREAM COME TRUE FAST
After so many years, after so much of experience gained, after so much effort put in, I am still the stubborn little girl whom thought I can win everytime.
Without knowing, I am just an adult with stubborn thoughts.
Without knowing, I lost every precious thing because of those stubborn thoughts.
Without knowing, I stood at the same position few years back.
Who says time can allow one to forget the person he/she loved the most?
Who says pain will be heal as time goes by?
Who says when love approached grab it with your full strength will do?
Who says one must face his/her heart sincerely?
Who says?
The only best thing I can praise about myself is,
I am able to find ways convincing myself.
No matter what, I have ways to tell myself I am still able to hold on, I can't collapse any moment, I still got to hang in there.
I can't bring myself to grumble anything, because there is no one by my side to listen all my complains.
I knew it on the day I decided.
I foreseen that I will suffer, get hurt, continue waiting, believing, lost the battle.
But I also known, whatever I done are all worth it.
All because that person worth it.
Thanks, it made me wake my senses up clearly.
Finally a clean-cut answer given, so I am going to work hard for it.
But I have this intuition that after I changed, you will changed too.
No matter what will happen, I am willing to try.
Four years ain't short, just enough to love you and get back an answer.
I am still single, I am still awaiting for a person, I am still wandering.
No matter how many wishes I made, no matter how much tears I shed, no matter how much pain I suffered, when it come to a decision I am always not in it.
I did a lot in 2011,
I tried too hard in 2011,
I fell too much in 2011,
but I grumble less in 2011,
but I waver less in 2011,
but I cry less in 2011,
so how's my 2011?
The tradition continues, but my stubborness follows too.
I really wonder how can the person tolerate so much about my character?
And why didn't the person manage to reveal his true feelings?
Or rather is it my mistake?
It is the fourth year after an hour,
but I am taking too long to realize it.
It is the third year after an hour,
but I am thinking over it again.
It is the second year after an hour,
but I am reluctant to admit it.
It is the first year after an hour,
but I am uncertain for it.
I don't expect much in 2012, since my wish fulfilled for 2011.
I will just wish for a little and let the nature take it course.
I know, that person shouldn't be in my dictionary anymore.
I can figure it out now before everything is wrong again.
A BRAND NEW YEAR BEGINS~
Mr. Nod guy, I hope you will be fine and happy. :)
I bet none of us willing to rake this date up right now, since we are far apart each other in the situation now.
I think, it will be better we just put everything deep in heart and stop probing over it anymore.
I.... am trying my best to change it, hoping that I did changed some.
I said, everyone will leave my side.
I always know what will happen, and always spotted on.
I.... never failed to feel alone.
This ain't a day for us to shed, it is a day to cheers for our friendship.
So I can have a ten-years, something that even I found it unbelieveable.
Then, will I have another ten-years ahead?
How long more will it reach that ten-years?
How much more must I put in for that ten-years?
How deep should I go to fulfil that ten-years?
I try, tried, trying.
I cry, cried, crying.
I run, ran, running.
But as usual, none pull me back, none accompany me, none understand me.
Therefore, I kept it to myself.
I kept everything in my heart.
So that no one can hurt me or heal me.
It is the first tenth!
I hope the second tenth will not be alone. =)
HAPPY TENTH ANNIVERSARY~
Mr.Nod guy, it has been some time since I last mentioned you, but still so what or not I mentioned? Because you won't get a chance to see it. I miss you almost every moment, but you didn't seems to know or rather, I didn't want you to know. I have been trying, as always. If you can know, please praise me. Because I can already got you out of my dictionary whenever people asked if I like anyone. I knew very well, no matter how much I changed, how hard I tried, you will never change, so I decided to change me. I will try not to love you anymore.
{/12:00 AM}
Journey of LOVE
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY~~~
Not that we didn't keep in contact, not that we didn't know each other enough, not that we didn't feel the sadness.
But still, what had past really past.
I know I promised you that I will be happy,
but as what I told you, sorry I really can't make it.
I have been trying my best to refrain, nevertheless did I try to cross over again.
However, to what you understand me, it is really hard to get over.
No matter what, when the time strike 12am in your clock I sent the mail over,
whatever I want to tell you is in the mail. :)
I am living my life great, you know I seldom complain over it.
But one thing I wanted to wish,
I don't want anything to spolit my plan.
Every year, we will buy each other a present.
This year, I bought you a watch and I bought myself a diary on your behalf.
When you are looking at my time I am actually writing down my life, I hope the next time we give each other the present, will be the time I start over again.
I remember telling myself: "he seriously don't know how you feel, because if he does, he will know how to treat you better." But the fact is: "hey! Wake this up! It's because he knew everything, that's why he keep a distance from you."
So, a angel-devil match started. No one gives me an answer. And surprisingly, I just spilt the beans like this. Without any warning, without any signs or symptoms.
I remembered how he protected me in the movie, I remembered the first trembling act while sleeping beside him, I remembered the piano piece he played for me, I remembered my every confession and his rejection, I remembered how he got angry over the smoking together issue, I remembered how upset am I after his rejection, I remembered writing our story down every single day, I remembered the feeling when walking passed those places where we once been, I remembered seeing he and his ex appearing in front of me and asked for my help, I remembered almost accepted another man to forget him, I remembered.........
I guess, I remembered too much. And all these, became 'past-tense'. I used him as my vow, that's why I got to face it. Despite he is the vow, I doubt we have any chance of being together. Even if the two years' date approach, I am still one-sided feeling. I don't belong to him, neither am I in his world. My strong-willed turned useless when I known him. I still overcoming it, maybe I won't listen but at least I knew I am working on it. It is not that I love him a lot, is because I can't find another one. So.. I am only allowed to love him.
-----------another one in the diary------------
{/9:03 PM}
Journey of LOVE
Sunday, October 16, 2011
GREAT SHOW! 新还珠格格
I never tried to take China guy as my idol, but this guy really attracted my attention and I spent my time just to watch the show. =DDD 永琪和小燕子~~~
The story-line made me thought of the two-years promise, despite it is a promise I made with myself, but I knew the outcome even before the thought appeared.
