I remember telling myself: "he seriously don't know how you feel, because if he does, he will know how to treat you better." But the fact is: "hey! Wake this up! It's because he knew everything, that's why he keep a distance from you."

So, a angel-devil match started. No one gives me an answer. And surprisingly, I just spilt the beans like this. Without any warning, without any signs or symptoms.

I remembered how he protected me in the movie, I remembered the first trembling act while sleeping beside him, I remembered the piano piece he played for me, I remembered my every confession and his rejection, I remembered how he got angry over the smoking together issue, I remembered how upset am I after his rejection, I remembered writing our story down every single day, I remembered the feeling when walking passed those places where we once been, I remembered seeing he and his ex appearing in front of me and asked for my help, I remembered almost accepted another man to forget him, I remembered.........

I guess, I remembered too much. And all these, became 'past-tense'. I used him as my vow, that's why I got to face it. Despite he is the vow, I doubt we have any chance of being together. Even if the two years' date approach, I am still one-sided feeling. I don't belong to him, neither am I in his world. My strong-willed turned useless when I known him. I still overcoming it, maybe I won't listen but at least I knew I am working on it. It is not that I love him a lot, is because I can't find another one. So.. I am only allowed to love him.

-----------another one in the diary------------