I dunno how many "LAST TIME" must I mention,

because November is drawing near and I hear nothing from you..

Despite now you are right beside me,

I still feel the uncertain, hanging on the top and driving crazy soon..

You always deceive me, non stop..

The funniest thing is, I keep falling into the trap..

I know this is wrong, super wrong!!!

But why am I still doing all this??!!!

I must be real crazy..

OK, drop the subject dun wanna ruin the mood for today..

Actually want to go Sentosa for HALLOWEEN celebration, but YQ said I scared those scary stuffs no point going,

then I want go Night Safari, at least can take tram around and see but YQ said I got night blindness what is the point to go,

so ended up went to his house celebrate with his bunch of brothers..

It is not the matter of being 'lightbulb',

I think the atmosphere is more important because just with YQ, I think can bored till max!!!

He can be romantic, if I asked him too,

but everything I need to say out, what is the point??

So I rather spent time with a bunch of friends, of course except for those memorable dates..

如果我落下一滴眼泪能让你回头，

那我愿意哭都眼睛红肿都无所谓！

可是如果我的眼泪让你内疚，

那我选择转身离开。

He is looking for me already,

BYE BYE~~~

*i wish, i wonder*

KPOP fever~~~

KPOP fever this few weeks, I kinda of regret didnt went for the KPOP night which ended few days back, and now I gotten the news that tickets Super Show 3 is drawing near, next month can start purchasing but I seriously not sure whether should I go or not??!!

If I lost something and I gain another, I guess I lost my faith in joining NIE but I might gain the success to my bursary??

Just allow me to think this way..

OH YA,

this few days keep feel like drinking and clubbing,

already trying my best to refrain but can I just club another time??

PLEASE!!!!

FYP still going on, report submission is on next month but no much stress yet,

just created a Live Journal too, which means gonna post in blogspot and live journal both at times, but this few months feel reluctant to blog, twitter seriously became the most effective blog now.. =DDDD

And, special diet gonna start next month on the 1st November, as in I going to cut down my total fats consumed, thinking of maintain a better body figure.. =P

I realized I have lots of unhealthy habits,

no matter in my lifestyle, preception of love, communication, befriend,

but for once I feel that some of the habits cannot be kick away, because it is just me..

Nowadays keep chatting with guys about the differences between guys and girls,

put myself in their shoes and thought of what they are thinking,

kinda fascinating, as guys will actually feel in such a way..

=DDDD

*i did what you say, but did you saw it?*

22nd again, 39 months, 156 weeks, 1092 days, 26208 hours, 1572480 minutes, 94348800 seconds..

He told me that time might be leaving in this day, but who knows he didnt even bought any tickets, because he already planned to buy on day ticket..

So till now, I still dunno when he leaving, he also not sure about it..

I just hope when that day reached, I can control my tears..

His birthday was awesome,

finally not bringing me to those without air-con restuarant,

seafoods AWESOME!!!

Clarke Quay really nice nice in SEAFOOD..

=DDDDD

So he managed to find the present among those bears on his bed,

despite I gave him like 3 or 4 hints beforehand, his brain not good still..

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA..

Anyway, he like the present which is expected..

=DDDD

Marina Barrage tomorrow, as a belated celebration for today, for 39th month of us..

关系非凡不代表复杂，

只是我不愿去理清楚，

只要我自己爱，有什么不行的？

Will there be times that I gonna break with a boyfriend after I found another I love, then the situation repeated again and again,

so till the end, I left with alone..

I will then now waiting for the guy who can say what I am thinking without me saying anything, keep falling in love to capture the right feelings..

So wait, waiting, waited..

=DDDD

19th October, 2010
24th Birthday
To a baby boy whom came to this year 24 years ago,
walked into my world, grabbed my hand and loved me as much as he has, as long as he can..
TAN YI QIANG,
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY~~~~~~~

生日快乐
真的希望你永远快乐
^_^

First surprise:
My gift is wore around the neck of Mickey

Second surprise:
I pasted words all around his room

Third surprise:
A letter that touched me and your heart

Hope you like everything..
And this is really the last last time..
=DDDD

命运

它一点一滴把我推向你，

是你在祈求我的归来，

还是我的要求太过分？

有得必有失

所以，我失去这个机会，得到的会是什么呢？

我不甘心！

我一定会再努力的！

就算一大群人告诉我，在你身边才是最幸福的，

但。。。我不想没有努力就放弃！

陈毅镪

你什么都好，唯一不好的是，

你对我不够狠心！

这也是为什么，让我最痛心的！

Mr.Nod guy,
I write those thing in FB, but dun seems to attract your attention, of course because I am a nobody in your life..
Karma
I just need want to have the courage to clarify my doubts, if only anyone can transfer their courage to me, then I might get an answer which relieve me..
I miss you,
like always without failed..
But I know cant be any greedy, because I have no stand for anything..

Baby told me he is leaving soon,

maybe the same date as the previous time he left,

the 22nd..

So I felt the pain, felt the sadness, felt the loneliness, felt the guilt..

Baby, must you really pick that date??

I dun see the need to pick the date, but why must you insist??

Hoping to see the history repeat, or just it is a must??

I dunno, seriously I am confused..

Looking through those past posts, I realized I am actually talking about him everytime,

and everytime I thought I given him up, but it ended up to be a NO, therefore I even give up hopes to believe if I am really still in love with him..

Anyway, he wont be coming to me and tell me, he is actually in love with me??

So what's the point for me to holding onto those foolish thoughts and hurt the person whom loved me the most??

I dunno, really NOT SURE!!!!

Please whoever give me an answer, so that I can give it to Baby too..

I felt that I owe Baby alot, more and more, increasing everyday, each day when we are together..

I cant repay back to Baby, never ever able to repay back..

Because my heart now also dunno fly to where already, but definitely not with Baby??!!

Mr.Nod guy,

why are you still around my mind??

I never once give you away that's why I keep thinking about you??

Then could you please give me some hints??

How should I chase you away??

So that I wont pester you again and I will be relieve from the memories of yours??

I am the one who make the decision??

But why could I still see your presence??

I seriously dunno what to do right now, say GOODBYE is the first step followed by TEARS then what??

Alighten me then..

*my heart : it hurts*

I KEPT MY HAPPINESS TILL NOW,

AND EVEN NOW, I CAN STILL FEEL THE HAPPINESS..

=DDDD

My prayers are heard, and came true..

I just see everything simple so that I wont feel any unfair or worthless, in the other way I still feel happy.. =DDD

Maybe Mr.Nod guy changed me so??

Because I will never be that easily contented in the past, but now for that few hours I even happy till now, crazy!!!

I guess actually I am still in love,

not only just puzzled if because I cant get him, that's why I keep holding onto him,

my doubts might be clear now??

And the answer can only given by him??

If he say "OK", then I think my answer will be "YES"

A person can forsake a long term relationship when he/she found someone whom meant for them, in other's eyes the person might be bad because a long run relationship had been destroyed by he/she, but if feelings can be controlled, then none will fall into the LOVE trap??

So I forsaked a good relationship, just for someone I known for three years, but who should be the one to blame me??

The guy that loved me, the guy I loved, or the one whom left with nothing which is me??

10/10/10

Didnt get a chance to celebrate, because Jordan isnt in good mood, Jessica isnt in good condition, frankly speaking I am super disappointed..

Will the same thing happen when we plan to go Taiwan too??

Then seriously I will be loads loads loads disappointed than now!!!!

I want go Taiwan, a MUST go plan..

Can I get a boyfriend before graduate??

So even if Jordan or Jessica couldnt make it, I can still go with my boyfriend..

OK, fat hope ar!!!!

当每件事都牵动了我对你的心时，

我想这回才是我真正能看清自己内心的时候。

我有答案了吗？

其实，答案一直都埋在我心里，

只是我不愿承认，我依然爱着他。

Mr.Nod guy,
I remembered telling myself that I gonna forget everything of you, but why did I still pull myself towards you again??
I think is because I had already gave myself a timing, 23 years old, 3 more years from now..
Actually, maybe those actions cant say anything, because you are just such a guy that will treat everyone so nice, maybe till the end I am the one who think too much, isnt it??
I always follow my heart, believe my instincts,
so now I can continue believe it again, right??
The answer keep hanging but none able to get it down,
I am going to wait for another guy that can take over your position then I can fully put you down??
Then, let me just hold onto those memories now..

我不骗你，

我还是会痛。

不会没有感觉，

因为我们有着很深的回忆。

或许他出现的时间的确刚刚好，

又或者是我推你离开的时间不对，

还是我们真的注定要结束了。

在那个末尾的夏天，

和我一起熬过来的是无数个想念，

但我学会把想念埋藏起来，

而当我成功时，我却爱上了个不该爱的人。

这可能才是我最残忍的报应吧？

这次的离别和上次不同，因为我不指望你会回到我身边。

其实，我早该认清这事实，

在你决定踏上另一条道路时，我也应该潇洒地和你说 BYE-BYE。

但是我却自私地把你留在我身边，陪着我度过那段最艰难的日子，

所以现在，我决定靠自己的力量走未来的路。

而现在，

在你就要离开的前夕，我却还在思考他对我作的一举一动是什么意思。

这样的我，

连自己都快受不了了，为何你还能紧抓着不放呢？

八年的时间或许不短也不长，

太短暂因为我们时间永远不够用，

太漫长因为我们了解永远办不到。

这是不是为什么我们能如此作出这样的决定呢？

我好想听到答案的回音。。。

对不起！

我再次至上十二万分的歉意！

到最后，永远、命运、爱情、勇气，

都不属于我们，所以这次我不得不认命了！

不说再见，我说保重。

不说爱你，我说记得。

不说幸福，我说快乐。

那么了解彼此的我们，或许在能这样微笑地看待事情吧？

GoodBye, My SUN..