1st of April 2011

Because if I have a chance, I always want time return back to that year, with all of you beside me.. These few days I am thinking, maybe it was because the first person left me so there will be second one then third one.. Which left me with no choice and stay alone..

I promised I wont blame myself over the incident anymore, but everytime I will think that I bring bad luck to others.. First was David, then Calvin followed by Yi Qiang now?? I bring troubles to Jessica's family and also my family, I am really a jinx no matter what should be the way I try to convince myself I am not one!

So April started, which makes 2011 four months lesser.. How should I feel turning 21?? I guess nothing changed, because I am still that rational, that logical.. Of course, the age of 21 shouldnt be any childish, at the same time I do lack of the courage..

I told myself, why will I decided to plan a celebration and invite him when he dun even has any idea when is my birthday?? So I dun want a celebration.. Or maybe I dun need a celebration..

This post I wanted to reminisces the past, when I first known David and Calvin's birthday is on April Fool, when my birthday was the day of David's death, when I cant find the present I thinking of the past few years, when........ there is no one by my side anymore..

每年，我都特别感伤。

今年，我却特别痛苦。

以后，我会怎样呢？