在这一刻，你却不在我身边。

你违背了当初的诺言，

你允诺会陪我度过每个伤心、落泪的日子。

在我最想听见你声音的这一刻，你却不知所踪，留下我一个人承担。

----------------------Falling Slowly-----------------

I don’t know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me

And always fool me
And I can’t react
And games that never amount
To more than they’re meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You’ll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I’m painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I’ll sing along

----------------------------This Song-------------------------

Even though I want to buy you a pretty necklace
Even though I want to take you out on a ride in a nice car
Even though I want to dress you in nice clothes
Even though I want to take you to nice places

This hand that I put inside my pocket grabs nothing
How can I get you
My position doesn't suit you
Regardless, can you stay by my side

The only thing I can give is this song
All I have is this voice
Even if this makes you laugh
But I still sing
I hope you accept it

Even if you say it's okay
Even if you say it's okay if I have you
Even if you say you're happy everyday
Even if you say you don't what anything more

Pretty, good things; fun, cool things
You obviously want to do these things too Baby
You know that if you stay by my side I can't do these things
Regardless, can you stay by my side

The only thing I can give is this song
All I have is this voice
Even if this makes you laugh
But I still sing
I hope you accept it

I only have this song
I really have nothing but this voice
I don't know if this will make you laugh
But I still sing
I hope you accept it
I hope you accept it

I had been taking my mind for a trip to the past,

then I had my mind fully screwed too..

SORRY,

if this is the word to describe the situation right now..

Everything makes me look like a fool,

ever since the beginning till the end,

the ending that I should had expected long ago..

SORRY,

it dun suits me anyway..

Those bits and pieces shot me down,

crushed my heart again and again,

I left with nothing but tears,

unstoppable tears fell down my cheeks..

Then I realised, I am all alone again..

July 15th seems to get closer, but I am screwing my mind once again..

When I told everyone, "I am OKAY",

I started to believe that I am fine too, however the answer is actually "NO",

and it had been following me for long dun seems to get away from me..

It left me with no choice but to accept it,

accept the fact that, "I am NOT OKAY"..

Please, I beg whoever!!!!

I dun want lead a life like this,

I dun want to keep deceiving myself that I am alright,

I dun want seeing how lovely the scene is..

Please, grant me another time!!!

回忆好可怕！

越是藏得隐秘，越是容易显现出来。

会有那么一天，回忆竟然会自动消失吗？

如果，能让心痛减少些。。。

抱歉。

我依然没有责怪你还是记恨的勇气，

因为我比谁都清楚地知道，

你所做的每个决定都是深思熟虑的，没有绝对的把握也不会答应。

可能心里那一个缺口，需要我和你一起一针一线地补回，

所以即使再怎么闹情绪，到了最后我们依然被牵连在一起。

但是，请不要让我连最后一点拿起针线的力量也消失不见了。

在你眼里，我或许是你这一生的最爱，

所以碰到任何和我有关的事，你都特别紧张。

你可否想过？

我在你心里的那个样，其实已经慢慢地在改变？

不再是你希望我变成的那个样子了？

我们的故事，可能还没结束但绝对还没开始！

因为我们还没做好准备面对未来！

你和我要的安定，

都是存在于彼此最难得到的地方，

我们碰触不到的领域。

会有那么一天，当我们挣开双眼，赫然发现其实并没有如我们想象般地深爱着彼此，

到时我们就会明白，我们原来都是错的！

爱错了时间，

爱错了命运，

爱错了你我。

This 22nd will not be a good one, all because there wont be any male lead for the day..

UPSET???

I guess every normal girl will feel the same as me, exactly the same!!!!

Still got one month to the more significant one??

If this month can be forbade, who will look forward to the next one??

I almost cancel all my plans just wanting to spent the day with you, despite I need to wake up early the next day, but you ruined it - again..

Why will we turned out to be like this??

I seriously cant figure it out, where are the both rational and lovely us??

Had it gone during that one year or as we get back to the past, everything is no longer the same anymore??

Such excuses dun suit us anymore, since I had heard those so many times..

I can give in just like what I did everytime to you,

but please dun treat me like this anymore, I guess really cant take it soon..

You said we understand each other so well that we do not need to say anything, the other party will know what the other is thinking..

But do you know that, because of your self-esteem, your two persons world's mindset,

I am suffering..

So much deeper than you can think of!!!!

My friends wonder why cant you appeared in front of them??

Why cant I show them pictures??

Why should I suffer all this??

I had turned into a crazy person because of you!!!!

Really, I had enough of all this!!!!

幻想症

听过吗？

我因为你，被人怀疑是幻想症病患！

你一点都不会心痛吗？

但我告诉你，

我的心好痛！

我想爱情似乎就是这么一回事。

当一个人已经无能为力时，迎接自己的还不是一次又一次的失望吗？

我想，失望的背后藏着希望但也一定有不切实际。

Spending most of time alone this entire week, because of the WORLD CUP so YQ didnt has much time with me, but I couldnt do anything except calling him or msging him..

I rather him staying at home for WORLD CUP than outside settling stuffs that I never agree and will lead to argument between us..

First, I FLUNKED MY LAB MANAGEMENT MODULE!!!!

A module supposed to be EASIEST, I just flunked it!!!!!

I made a deal to myself, no more joking around for the next UTs, I swear to my GOD that I am going to study for every four modules and can just FYP leave behind first!!!!!

I really miss the days we can just do whatever we want freely, will the day comes in the future??

TYQ, please fulfil the promise!!!!

After WORLD CUP, trips to ZOO/Night safari, Chocolate Fondue, MOVIES, Sungei Buloh........

More to be added cause I haven think of any at the time being..

=DDDDD

I tried to understand every action/move he doing now,

is it just too long since he have bottled or just we are already at the stage of stable relationship??

No more honeymoon period for our relationship now??

Or is just that I choose not to face what belongs to us??

At least I need him to tell me what am I supposed to do before I can figure out if it is appropriate, but I dun receive any..

I keep wandering around my FB page, why will changing or not my status troubled the both of us so much??

I admitted that you are my BF, that dun sounds convincing??

We kissed, hugged, that dun seems secure??

Then how about the security I want from you, are you able to fulfil it??

I never expect myself to be such extend, because I thought my character wont allows me to do so, but my rational can..

However, when the other party is you, everything just changed..

I rather keep the harsh words to myself than saying out at the moment, because I know one day either of us will regret..

I know you dun mean it, maybe picked the wrong time to rake up the topic,

when I am still looking forward for your call every night now, but before you called I felt the disappointment, and after what you mentioned I realised your words just sounded like knives cutting my flesh..

一步步地再次踏进那属于我们的世界，

但我在那儿发现了曾经留下的回忆，

顿时我觉得，已经无法回到那时候，

而你搂着我说，我们还有未来，这时我才发现我也在期待着。

Anyway, I am in the wrong, shouldnt let him the victim..

"Baby, SORRY!!!!"

=DDD

STEAMBOAT SESSION with BAOBEIs yesterday night!!!!

Photos uploaded in facebook, I guess those who are reading my blog will also have their access to my facebook, so not going to show it here.. =P

OK, YQ said I am just lazy.. =DDDD

Reached home before 11pm yesterday, and leave house again at 11.45pm..

=.="'

Because YQ called and asked if I can accompany him to a chalet,

but to me he was just informing me instead of asking me,

cause his first sentence was : "accompany me to chalet, my friend's birthday.."

What to do??

Luckily he drove, if not I wont agreed that soon..

I am glad he is no longer affecting me, really as per normal,

the first thing I shared with YQ once I saw him..

=DDDD

He still praised me that I am doing well,

as like a father praising his own daughter??

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA..

School reopening in less than 10 hours time,

and I haven study for my two UTs in that two straight days..

=.="'

CE points need to be cleared within this semester, 19 more points to go,

I am willing to be loner and go any talks, just organise as much as possible!!!!

FYP report have yet edited,

luckily just change everything to reported speech since this was what our advisor want..

Bed time soon, after YQ call me, in 3 mins time..

“我听到你的心跳声了！”

“这一颗，只为妳跳动的心，当然只有妳听得到！”

“你什么时候变得这么肉麻啊？” *blushed*

Baby, we are really blessful and fortunate compared with the other couples,

I know love couldnt be compared, but at least we can take them as examples/guides,

so lets stop our argument..

“我们握手言和吧！”

“可以改用亲嘴的吗？”

WORLD CUP's fever getting hotter and hotter,

so my sleeping time turning lesser and lesser,

actually also cannot so freely to go his house anymore, school reopening soon!!!!

Even though afraid this holiday will cause few kilo on me, but still hope holidays dun leave!!!

I know this became a barrier in between us, but I am willing to jump over this barrier and get over to you, because......

You had been always doing it for me,

really thanks to the years we had known each other,

if not, I guess this time round I will really leave..

Some things might not be able to go by our way,

but try to see things differently not only be great to the situation,

is also another way of treating ownself better..

I choose the other way, because no one will mistreat themselves,

so do I..

YQ said today dun watch WORLD CUP, accompany me watch my shows,

but now he is actually outside sitting in front of his LCD TV,

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA..

Is is normal guys like sports so much??

To me, it is boring as 2o over people running after a ball,

OK, cause I am a GIRL!!!!

Steamboat with BAOBEIs tomorrow, HAPPY HAPPY~~~

Before that, YQ said want to go for KBOX, guess he say say only because I had this strong feelings tomorrow he gonna settle some stuffs again..

He thought I think too much, lets see if it will happen tomorrow..

=DDD

*I just miss the way*

我以为他那一通电话，就代表了一切，

原来都是我一厢情愿的幻想。

那并没有结束，反而让我们陷得更深，更沉。

你请求我谅解你的处境，

难道我没有吗？

你求我不要阻止你出去，

难道我有吗？

你叫我乖乖在家里等你回来，

难道我不怕吗？

那么。。。你是否也能为我想想？

一个人在空荡荡的房子，

提心吊胆地看着时间一分、一秒地过去，

十分害怕电话一响的那一瞬间，

从未有过的恐惧，

在你每次丢下我，一个人离开时，莫名地产生了！

我也不知道为什么自己还天真地以为能改变你，

原来，六年前你的离开并没有消弱你在帮会的权势，

只是勉强地找个替代，来补上你的位置。

无论是六年前还是六年后，

那个位置，永远只让你一个人坐。

可不可以有个人出来告诉我，

这一切其实都是我写的小说，

一切都是虚幻的，假的，

因为，我害怕面对这一切。。。

很多人都十分羡慕我和你之间的关系，

这是一份不求回报的爱情，

男主角死心塌地对着女主角，

女主角却优柔寡断地面对男主角。

但是他们似乎都忘了，

在每个称羡的爱情后面，都隐藏了无数争吵和泪水。

一直到现在，

我才明白，其实你没回来未尝不是件好事？

就算心里再怎么痛，泪水再怎么流，

都不应该让你回来的，

因为你不再是我一个人的，你还属于一整个帮会的！

如果我的话，你听不进去，

那就算了。

如果我的眼泪，你视若无睹，

那就算了。

如果我的心痛，你都不理，

那就算了。

因为，连我自己都找不到支撑的力量。

*dun let me regret whatever I had decided*

Baby said, I grew taller..

Baby said, I grew fatter..

Baby said, I started to smile more..

Baby said, I had been an obedient girl these few days..

=DDDDDDD

OF COURSE!!!!

Because my baby granted my wish, that is why I need to be obedient and listen to him..

Just a night, just a prank, just a talk, just after a cry,

he is always giving in, without failed..

This is his way of loving me, doting me, pampering me, caring me

and I can choose not to accept his love but couldnt reject his concern..

No need to wait for a year, because he had already returned to his status/identity,

just that I need to work harder to patch up his relationship with his father..

Please, make it on time before anything happen..

WORLD CUP coming,

and it turned my 2nd house upside down soon..

Luckily my holiday end before the world cup, if not I am going to be maid again,

even though now just seems like one already..

Anyway, new story has been catching up,

great thanks to YQ's house, because is super quiet when all those guys are sleeping,

and because all guys are heavy sleeper, I dun need to walk or act like a thief..

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA..

But YQ said he can hear me walking around and typing on laptop..

=P

OH YA!!!!!

Super Junior is coming Singapore for concert, real live concert!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to save money for this concert, ONE and ONLY!!!!!

=DDDDDD

对你所做的一切

我只能说

谢谢你，我爱你

I am glad to think of the matter, because must really force myself then I will realized how hurting the memories had brought me to..

A different method of forgetting, my own style of forgetting,

I guess it is little cruel but effective, at least it happened on me..

Maybe there is few more months ahead, but will it change the facts??

I know the answer is NO, therefore I rather forget it right now, in this day..

Couldnt see why the differences affected me that much,

after all I guess I still lost to the word "feeling"..

YQ said I just let my rational turn emotional, then turn emotional to rational again,

that is why I keep changing, keep thinking things that wont happen..

Maybe it is true, this is why I am like this..

I want my life in peaceful mode,

therefore I am working hard for it, despite I know sometime efforts will be in vain,

but I need the beliefs to push me forward..

I love my life now, at least I am able to think through things, wont bottle it up all times..

I decided to have a great talk with YQ today,

at least let him know what I am feelings right now, and those things I wanted him to know..

OK, today I will be going over to his place myself,

must learn to be grateful to him too..

=DDDDDD

爱情，

拥有严重的爱情洁癖，

让我决定一个人地等下去。

YO HOO~~~~~

KBOX today with XIUJING baobei~~~~~

Lots and lots of laughter and funny stuffs around,

other than freezing like hell, I guess we both looking forward to the next KBOX session!!!!

Laptop need to bring back to school tomorrow again, early in the morning..
Thought at least today got Xiujing accompany me, but tomorrow must be alone there for like few hours, unless that guy willing to go with me??
HAHHAHHAHAHHAHHA..
Started to give YQ all such of names, quite fun actually..

Out of a sudden, I realized the day still seems significant, there is no way I can escape from it, so I decided to keep myself busy, always busy..
At least that day, I will want myself to be out of the situation,
then will continue walking forward after the day passed..

What more should I ask for?
There is always a guy with me and treat me like a princess,
Pamper me, dote me, love me, and accompany me,
He simply just meet every standard I want for a boyfriend..
But, he wont know..
I couldn’t get through my mind, hardly able to get an answer for everyone..

I have lots and lots of things to tell him,
Really hope things can at least go by my way this time round, because he had failed me for quite some times..
One day I will leave him??
At first I thought he will be the one who leave me, but till now then I finally realised, always is I leave him and not the other way round..

爱情，在我们懵懂时发芽了。

离别，在我们深爱后发生了。

所以我们最后，还是分开了。

I just simply terrified, I dunno who to blame, this is then the worse thing..
Where there is something to interfere thinking, but I just couldn’t find one..
Maybe when I found one, it will make my whole life easier..
So, I am searching again..
Looking for something that enable me to move on and restart my life..

OK, start writing my newest story..
And my LAPTOP can be collected!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow go collect then sent to school for configure, that means I gonna stay at school for like 4 hours??
Go see got any CE talks to attend, need to be clear by this semester..

*Baby said, I am not myself today*