When I choose nothing, is because there is already a way given to me..

When I say nothing, is because I had already said whatever I should..

When I stand nowhere, is because the place is too dark for me to walk through..

My life isnt perfect but not yet miserable,

I can still acheive what I want maybe some other things unsuccessful..

But I am still "young"??!!

Still got time to think or search before the right one appear, or maybe even if the right one appear I might not get a chance to be with..

I seriously cant imagine I am still wandering around him,

is like he is the one whom trigger my every sadness nerve,

I cant escape from the memories, no matter how hard I tried..

Maybe I am the one who think too much, so ya..

Never mind, at least for the time being I dun need anyone beside me..

No hopes No disappointments

Just only thinking about him doesnt mean must be with him or want him to pick me,

is just that I picked the inappropriate method to preserve our memories..

Not sure how long must this process continue, but before the process end I choose to stay quiet..

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~

当一个人发现自己因为某人的出现而改变了自己，

这时应该好好想想，某人在自己的心里占据了多大的位置。

属于你的，就算离开了你，有朝一日还是会回到你身边，

但不属于你的，如果强求，时间久了还是会离开你的。

*I hope everything can really end*

Can I turn into a CLUBBING freak too??

I seriously enjoy the times inside club,

can dance on the stage, dance floor then start drinking after that went back to dance again,

the entire night is just filled with blasted music, strong liquor, maybe guys??

However first barrier to climb over is TYQ!!!

He just seems like my father, even my father dun really bother since I never drunk after that first attempt to clubbing..

TYQ can keep nagging at me for 2 hours, and "ground" me from going out for few weekends, of course I am not that obedient girl??

HAHAHHAAHHAHHAHA..

As time goes by, I started get used to SINGLE life, I enjoyed those advantages..

Maybe there are times I really need a shoulder to lean on, but if I can find a way to breathe in my one person's world, it wont be any difficult for me..

=DDDDD

ENJOY~~~~

In my three years of poly life, I learnt alot, been through alot too..

When it comes to making decision, I guess I choose correctly??

After all, 20 years old is not the age to make mistakes or wrong decision,

I think clearly of my every decision..

Grown up or grow old??

I dunno..

或许人真的会变

但是让他们改变的原因，是他们自己吗？

还是因为周遭的人、事、物，让他们不得不改变自己来迎合呢？

那。。。到底是该怪人会变，还是怪别的呢？

THANKS GOD!!!!

I seen your true intention, Jacob Koh you will never know how glad I am of not accepting you at that time, because you dun deserve it after all..

You still have the cheeks to say had been waiting for me so long??

Come on, I guess I am still smart enough..

Nowadays I wondered, experience really helps??

I been through life and death, let go my most beloved ones twice in my life, got rejected everytime I confessed to a guy,

I forsaken my dignity, my courage, my confidence,

now I left with nothing..

LOVE is important in ones' life??

Of course because it is so easy to fallen into but hardly able to get out of it,

LOVE seems fascinating, that's why everyone pursue it, walking step by step towards it..

我好怕！

好怕有一天，发现自己没有如此的勇敢支撑下去，

到时候，我是否真的能够下定决心离开这个伤心地？

勇气、自信、尊严、矜持、原则

该有的，我都舍弃了，不在了。

I am waiting, waiting, waiting..

I am single, but has a super nice boyfriend..

I am emotional and rational..

I am who I am when by your side..

I am not going to change..

I guess it is really time, no more just saying..
Trust me, I will try my very best this time round, not going to talk big again..
Jessica asked me before, are you worth for me to wait??
That moment I answered YES, you are!!!
Now I know, even if inside my heart I think you are worth it, but your every action contradict with my thoughts, is time to change my thoughts..
I hope the next time Jessica or anyone asked me the same question, I can answer NO!!!
No matter if you have a girlfriend or not,
you are no longer my Mr. Nod guy, because you wont face me and give me a nod anymore..
Remember??
If I love fantasy so much, dun forget there is a harsh reality still awaits me..
I know, the most harsh reality I gotten was your rejection..

If can, I really hope to be away of all these..

If can, I really want to be at another country..

If can, I really will go for my dream..

If can, I really think everything might be better..

It still seems so hard for me walk every step, I told myself not to think anymore but those thoughts still come and chase after me..

Can I be like a devil??

Everyone said it will be hard, for me..

So I should believe??

I couldnt bear to leave everything behind, despite I know by leaving will make me feel better, should I be selfish for once??

No one can tell me the answer, because they dun want to be culprit of my vanished dream..

Then, it proved that I will be the culprit to my own crashed dream..

Yes, it is a no turning back way..

坚强是我的优点更是我的缺点。

沉默是我的选择更是我的唯一。

爱情是我的信仰更是我的威胁。

原本我能够握有幸福的，但我无法选择，我背叛了自己的爱情才会有如此的下场。

我怨不得别人，只能恨自己的无奈。

请你一定要幸福，这样我才能微笑着。

Baby, you are just that special.. =DD

These few days, keep repeating our arguments then cold wars ended up patching back, non stop but no much harm after all..

Because we just know our limit and seriously enjoy our relationship, no more turning back anyway, so we could only lead our life happily..

=DDDDD

I believe you should know what I really want, you never failed to understand me too, so please dun provoke me anymore!!!

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA..

Whatever we promised each other must fulfil each single one, at least before you leave..

I want we both to have the most precious and memorable memories in our life, so that we can have enough memories to think of when we are apart..

So everyday must sweet sweet!!!!

AND AND, I finally saw your effort!!!!

You are willing to take pictures but not for me to keep, all only for you before leaving date..

OK, I will listen to you this time..=DD

亲爱的！

你可以感受到吗？

亲爱的！

我能继续下去吗？

亲爱的！

咱们一起努力吧！

I just want a normal life, without those "special" feelings, can anyone grant me??

Today is another 15th, two days later will marks one year to my failure, so it means I had fallen into love for one year plus??

Nothing much, just I dun want those feelings to haunt me down anymore..

*please*

Let pictures update my life.. =DDD

Mummy's Birthday 2010~~~

10/09/2010 POWERHOUSE~~~

Baby, this is our love story till the day you leave, I promised!!!!

Despite the non stoppable argument make us exhausted, but I know deep inside heart you and I still understand each other so we given in.. =DDDD

I am glad that person is you,

if it was other others, I guess the guy wont tolerate my stubbornness or over mightily,

this what you always say, "we have 8 years as foundation, I knew you were like this at the beginning.."

So thanks alot for your understanding, I wonder if I can still meet a guy like you in future, but I hope you wont meet a girl like me anymore, I felt so sorry and guilty of being a lousy girlfriend when we were together, so I seriously hope you can deserved a better one!!!

I always start the fight with you, but you always ended it first,

never for once willing to see me aggrieved, sided me when your own close friends pissed me off, protect me from your dangerous world, loved me so deeply, cherish me like treasure, I seen all the good boyfriend's criteria on you, THANKS!!!!

I said before I wanted to repay you, being a good girlfriend at this period of time,

but I always failed to do so..

You are the one who keep holding onto me, let me feel pampered and loved,

seeing you I reminded of myself in the past or maybe even now..

The shattered pieces you picked up are now one by one fixed, I saw the whole picture now, with our names on it..

I continue the way you wanted me to, I forsaked the memories he gave me,

because this is the only method to stop all the saddness..

You taught me that, I can laugh or cry in front of you, and only the person whom tell me so then allows to show my true self in front of him..

I am waiting for that person to appear..

*Baby, my heart*

我好累了！

不曾停歇的争吵，流不完的眼泪，怪不停的人，

这些真的是你回来后，想见到的样子吗？

至少对我而言，我不想看见。

时间既然已经定好了，为什么还要去变动它呢？

你问我，为什么我能如此狠心，一再提醒你离开的事实，

可是你是否有想过，因为你狠不下心，所以换我来狠心。

如果在你回来办完事后，我就拥有这份勇气，不骗你，我早就狠心地赶你走了！

“如果没有他，今天我爸来电话妳还会要我离开妳吗？”

是啊！我有什么资格生你的气呢？

不就是我需要一个肩膀，所以才一直留着你的吗？

不就是我在为自己找个借口，好让我放下他吗？

但，谁知道绕了那么一大圈我还是只能在原地踏步呢？

所以，请你看清我是个怎么样的女生，

一个利用了你的善良、爱情的女生，你还要？？？

原来，在我的基因里存在了如此狠毒的因子，

才能让我完完整整地成为一个狠毒的女人！

我不想再去思考，我是不是该说些什么，

我只知道现在的我，没有任何资格谈些什么。

So I am the one who keep holding onto those memories that even you forsaked and hope to be erased away, I am the one that insisted..

No matter how long the time passed, no matter how much effort I put in, no matter how bad I tried to think about you,

the most important part is I cant find a good reason to chase you away..

Is it really true that because I cant be with you, so I ended up only think of you??

Why doesnt such situation happened when I confessed to other guy at the past??

I am so curious..

You cut off the only connection that I can used, I felt the pain..

That is why I cried last few days, while reading the diaries, while reading my past posts, while listening to songs, while thinking of those days..

I am real stupid like you said before, I thought three months were enough for me, who knows after a big round everything back to square one again..

I never wanted a restart, because you never given me a chance..

作为十二星座之首的白羊，是个很有冲劲的星座，不管是计划好的，还是临时决定的，他们都会自信满满的去做，完全不会有任何的负担或是胆怯心理，在爱情国度里直来直往，在他们看来也是理所当然的，只不过对于有人总拿他们与别人比较，就特别的过敏，什么嘛，若是有意见就明说好了，不需要拐弯抹角的，白羊可没这个耐心猜测你这样对比的意思，真要挑战就直说好了。

白羊座女子

让你爱得轰轰烈烈，再让你恨得气弱游丝，白羊女子，真的可以！不生气的白羊女子是够朋友的！生气的时候却是千吨炸药，你最好走为上策！进取！乐观！旺盛生命力！构成了白羊女子的基调。

　　白羊座的女人个性坚强而举止率性，天性使然的好胜心让她处处表现出好强的作风．在她面前，男人，你一定要像个”英雄”；这意思是说你得刚毅正直，少来阿谀奉承．最好先透露出你的真才实料，所见所学来引起她的注意，勾起她对你的好奇心之后，你已经成功一半了．千万别太得意而露出极想追求她的本意，这样会吓跑她的！！

　　白羊座个性果决，很少犹豫不决或退缩。面对抉择，他们喜欢一马当先，但都很容易鲁莽，很容易后悔，或是必须付出一些代价。白羊座女性不只是点菜速度快，开车门、付帐单，一切自己来。

无论何时都能勇往直前，为了将来努力不懈。经常保持一颗愉快开朗的心，即使与人发生争执，也能在隔天表现得若无其事的样子。积极向成功目标快跑的双 腿，连擅长飞奔的驯鹿都甘败下风。容易发怒。一旦被瞧不起便立刻火冒三丈。自我主义和那张喜欢挖苦别人的嘴，常使得周遭的人被那如机关枪般发射出来的言词 打得唏哩哗啦。个性急躁，经常拔腿就走。那么急著去哪儿呢？

爱起来毁天灭地，恨起来风云变色的白羊女子，不是没有大脑，而是直来直往惯了！如果你们情投意合，奉劝由你来做温度计，掌握分寸进退和天气。没有任何 一段感情禁得起日月摧残，五味杂陈，偶一为之别开生面，长久如此精神崩溃。白羊女子不是不想发展一段稳定的情感，说穿了，其实是心有余力不足。如果你有条 件作持久战首先先检查自个儿弹药库是否充足，再配合天时地利人和，结果势必令你满意专情的白羊女子，会爱你很久很忠实。

专心的生气，认真的火冒三丈，鲁莽的评理谁是谁非，对其他的人可以，对白羊女子，别傻了！简直是在浪费能源。天雷勾动地火，在开始是美的！白羊女子不会牢记你的暴跳如雷，却会对你的明辨是非怀念不已。以智取而非蛮力。

请你务必相信，她不是一座火山，只是一位糖果小孩！为了要不到的糖果而生闷气（或者发雷霆），但是一旦有人哄，有人宠，给她糖果许诺梦想，她立刻又像 要到糖果的小女孩般，心满意足。生气，只是为了引起注意。开心，因为手段得逞。害羞，绝对是因为理亏。撒娇，你给她的还不够啊！对付白羊女子，说容易也容 易，只要你够修养。最怕是认真和她生气，让自己在体温38度 C时，骤升为另座火山的莽男子。小聪明不足以应付火冒三丈，耍嘴皮子更可能火上加油。和白羊女子谈恋爱，好玩就好玩在这种「精神濒临崩溃边缘」而生出智 慧。退一步，何止海阔天空！！简直普天同庆呢！！