謝謝你。

每次都在我最需要你的時候陪著我，無微不至地照顧我。

在我快崩潰時，拉了我一把。

在我痛苦時，陪著我一起發瘋。

在我要放棄前，安慰我。

在我絕望時，讓我感覺到你的存在。

在我落下眼淚時，借我你堅挺的肩膀。

對不起。

每次都在你最需要我的時候，我卻不在你身邊，陪著你、照顧你。

在你獨自一人時，只能望著我們唯一的相片過日子。

在你生病時，只能靠著電腦告訴我。

在你不得不放棄時，卻還是無怨無悔地接受。

在你聽見我狠心的話時，心裏又多了一道傷痕。

在你希望我們還能在一起時，我還是執著于自己的選擇。

“ 你還會要一個，心裏住著別人的我嗎？”

可能別人會說我還不夠愛你，移情別戀得快，

可是他們忘記了，只有愛得深，傷得才會更深。

所以我們，是不是也傷得太重了呢？

“ 我不介意，只要你點頭吧！”

一輩子有多遠？

一瞬間有多快？

一段感情，有多少波折？

一顆心，又屬於誰呢？

你教會了我，什麽是‘愛’，

告訴過我，儅愛上了一個人，就會不顧一切。

你教會了我，什麽是‘時間’，

告訴過我，儅愛上了那個人，就不會在乎時間的流逝。

*I am replying you the letter*

FUN TIMES with my groups of 'bastard' friends!!!!!
Gathering at Yi Qiang's house..(sudden)
But this kind of gathering wont be regularly, unless I wanted to end my life soon..
=DDDDDD

Out of curiosity, I tried mixed all flavours of VODKA together, even the most unacceptable MANGO flavour was added too..
Outcome??
Totally gone crazy and puked, I guess there were like five flavors??
Vanilla, Blackcurrant, Raspberry, Mango, Pure,
Somemore finished it in ONE shot, trying to test my drinking skills only!!!!!
*SICKO*

"BABY, come out for a while can??"
"BABY, we eating you want to eat??"
"BABY, dun watch your shows le, come out la!!!"
"BABY, sit down no need to serve them de!!!"

"BABY, if you cannot drink then dun drink lo.."

OK, Yi Qiang still haven change his address to me,

I was happily watching SUPER JUNIOR shows and that fellow keep shouting for me,

shouldnt have went to his place, make me like a MAID serving those guys around..

Playing games, and I lost till so jialat jialat lo!!!!!

Average, I lost 4 rounds out of 5,

and all those guys wont give chance or soft-hearted despite I am the only girl and weak in drinking..

HELL!!!!!

One shot followed by one shot,

still got stunts, mixed around with all the liquor they have on the table,

dun think who go buy those alcohol for them, who carried so heavy and bulky things for them,

tidbits, drinks, liquor, I still so kuku pushed the NTUC trolley back!!!!!

"OIE, 愿赌服输 ok??"

Just because of this sentence, no other choice but drank whatever I should,

because I dislike being look down..

Till to the extent, that my cravings totally rise up,

they want stop me also hard.. =P

So after mixed all the VODKA's flavours together then finished by one shot,

I still went to mix CHIVAS with MARTELL with VODKA (Russia),

seriously that is not a good mixture!!!!!

Because I couldnt finished it, and immediately after first mouth swallowed I ran to the toilet..

=DDDDDD

However, after puking the feelings wasnt too bad,

because I can still continue for a few more games before I really totally drained up..

Nevertheless, Yi Qiang also half-dead, cause he helped me drank quite alot too..

Dunno if my drinking skills will improve after this day,

but next time I will try to mix those nice flavour together instead of those pur liquor!!!

HAHAHHAHAHHAHHA.. (JKJK)

LEON : "BUDDY, next time we go CHIONG again le!!!!"
JIAKAI : "Never know you can drink till so HIONG sia!!!!"
CHENGWEI : "Dun drink alone without accompany ah.."

BENNY : "Bring you out confirm got FACE de lo!!!!"

AARON : "Next time drink mix again??"

Comment recevied this morning, whereby everyone woke up and look so restless..

Tried another HANGOVER, and again it is wanting my life!!!!!

However, I enjoyed the FUN..

=DDDDD

I guess everyone enjoy yesterday too, right right???

*Yi Qiang nodding head*

For once, he didnt black-face after seeing me drank for so many shots,

but he said these,

"DUN BULLY MY BABY LIAO HOR!!!!!"
"OIE, thought I didnt saw ar??"

"TOMORROW then you know!!!!"

*You often know what I need the most, but I didnt make the effort to understand what you want,

I am just leading the life you planned for me, without knowing if it helps me,

all because....*

STUPID, Tan Yi Qiang..

Trying to make me guilty only, because he actually remember last Sunday was the 22nd but didnt remind me right on the spot..

Even though he acted strange, but I still couldnt guess what gone wrong and just do whatever I want, meet whoever I want..

Till Tuesday then I finally remembered that the day was 24th Nov, so called him and bickered throughout, so a belated celebration on Tuesday..

However, I am super tired, super shag,

reached home before 11pm, up on bed at 11.05pm..

But I still feel tired, and and I LOVE SLEEPING nowadays!!!!!

He is afraid, he is scared,

I can still differentiate these..

But I just insist on my way, insist whatever I should continue on..

The only missing one, is without your accompany..

Maybe I am seriously too stressed up this few days,

I am doing things that defeat my principle..

So I am going to refrain myself and not doing it again!!!!!

Even though I know what is wrong, but I will still do it,

exactly making a mistake when I know it is wrong..

Will it become my habit??

I hope NO, but I guess it do help me abit..

HAHAHHAHAHHA..

And I am going to confess it to Yi Qiang,

before he found out himself, I will be in dead meat..

At most kenna nag, but I dun see the point of hiding away from him..

I am so honest.. =DDDD

If the time really reaching soon, then I guess I will admit defeat again..
All because my hopes and strengths are used up, totally drained up..
Never ask me what happen, because how I hope I dunno what had happened..
Seriously, I hope something can erase away my memories, take away my rational and sensitiveness,
then I can lead the life I want, be the person I most want to be..
How much pain should I still endure in order to reach the most comfortable place??
Just take all my sorrows away, because I am really sick and tired of it..
This turn out to become my character, never will voice out anything, bottle everything up, till one day I finally collapsed then I will realise how much I have kept inside myself..

Everyone asked me, why I have so many weddings to attend??

I guess, because happiness still haven ended yet and it is not an impossible..

Finished the last wedding I had so far, and again I missed the bouquet..

Anyway, this time it fell onto another girl whom stand far away from me,

fated again..

Ziyin failed to make me drunk, despite I helped her drank alot,

I still not to my extend of drunk, somemore I could still walked straight.. =DDDD

The wedding is special, and I am proud to be one of the planner,

because the entire wedding place and the outcome were super awesome..

People said me and Yi Qiang looks like a couple,

who knows we were once but things changed..

People asked why dun I go back to the past,

actually I really hope, but destiny is fated..

People outside didnt really mean what they say,

so I intend to ignore their words, because it normally is the most useful method..

I started to forget when is the last time we quarrelled,

I started to realise how many thing we had missed,

I started to think if all my decisions gain support in the end..

Why I couldnt change away my stubborness, and allow it to overtake my heart easily??

Thanks, Yi Qiang..

You really never failed to me with whenever I need you,

despite how far I pushed you away, ended up you will still be by my side,

accompany me through this unfair destiny..

Without any grumbles, is it your strength or weakness??

Am I using your kindness to avoid whatever I should face??

So I should change, right??

Anyway, I am super tired!!!!!

From Friday till now, I am lacking of sleep..

Watching a kinda of long ago drama, super funny and super sweet for the two leads..

=DDDDDD

And it looked like how Yi Qiang treated me before, it showed how fierce I am in the past too..

*25th December 2009 -->100th day*

------------------------edited---------------------

I just remember, today is the 22nd..

However, I am at home and family dinner later..

*oops*

Celebrating on the Tuesday??

Because I just remember today (24th Nov).. =P

16/11/2009

Steamboat at Calvin's house, with a pregnant mother serving the plates here and there,

and the couple sweet-ing here and there too..

Entire house filled with laughter, classical music lastly the baby's cries,

no grand dinner, no good atmosphere, just a simple 'celebration'..

But of course, we were contented,

even though deep inside our heart, we miss David badly in such memorable day..

It should be a gathering, but ended up to be my dating??

HAHAHAHHAHAHHA..

Calvin need to take care of his pregnant wife and naughty son, so I and Yi Qiang leave behind,

nothing to do, went to the park nearby his house..

Chatted about the past, our dates, is like everything the both of us also remember,

even the word we ever said, the feelings was really good, it seems like returning to the past..

=DDDD

Just passed 17th November, our 7th anniversary..

The first thing we did were to go Mandai and visit David, never noticed time really flies so fast,

as usual, memories just flashed in my mind at that moment..

It all seems so new and vivid to me, just like it happened few days ago,

who knows, life is so fragile and time flies fast..

I went home first, because mummy asked me to help her for some stuff,

at night as usual gathered at Calvin's house, this time round was they chased us off,

'two person's world', the reason they gave..

So me and Yi Qiang were lampposts, so we left the house..

Chit chat again, till he drove to East Coast park,

then it turned the both of us quiet..

A place that full of our memories, which I find it so hard to forget,

everytime go there, it will trigger my memories..

Seriously a magical place to me..

Some topics shouldnt be mentioned, but he did it..

Some things shouldnt be reminded, but he did it..

Even though I know he is trying to help me out, but I dun see the point of talking about those at the moment of time..

Gave the SINGLE night party a miss, =P

because I have this super strong feelings I am going to drunk tonight and doing stupid stuffs,

so I rather stay at home since I am going out tomorrow also..

Anyway, my representative went is enough.. =DDD

Ziyin said she going to see me drunk this Saturday before I can go back home,

but never mind, I got "brothers" to drink on behalf of me,

HAHAHHAHAHHA..

当初说过的一句话，改变了女孩今后的人生。

她不会后悔说过的那一句话，可是她最害怕的是，

男孩为了这一句话，而远离了女孩。

留下女孩一个人，还傻傻地为了遵守那句话，

而相信着自己的信念。。。

Family Day to Singapore ZOO.. (sudden)

All because I had a dream yesterday morning about Zoo and animals, so suggested to my father to bring us there..(random)

Took the Carousel Ride with my sister,

OK, finally get a chance to ride that, even though it is kinda short time..

=DDDD

I am trying to hide the true self aside, because I wanted to show you,

by loving you it wont change my life..

*60th day*

Why do I still feel the time is like so SLOW??

女孩在乎的是男孩是否记得和自己的种种，

不过她也很清楚，男孩并没有忘记。

他只是在用自己的方式关心着女孩，心疼着女孩。

所以，女孩很欣慰。。。

When I am happily awaiting for a new start, your face flashed into my mind..

When everyone said I am just stubborn over my decision, your words make it firmer..

When I choose this pathway at the beginning, I never will regret about it..

No matter how many days of cooling down, it seems didnt help much in changing my mind,

still think in such a way that I am not fit to be somewhere I am not suppose to be..

I dun wish to use this method to escape away from my pain, because it wont help me at all,

instead it pull me further away from him whereas I couldnt forget him..

YES, you are right..

Every reason I gave is an excuse,

an excuse to escape your consideration and kindness..

So never choose to forgive me, as I am not going to beg for your forgiveness too..

每个人都会埋怨幸福离他们遥远，

其实幸福从没离开过他们身边，

只是他们是否能抓到幸福的模样。

I saw the symbols of my happiness, but I never will raise my hand and grab it,

because it is a visible appearance of an invisible meaning..

Sing like no one's listening, love like you're never been hurt,

dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth..

As usual yesterday went to Orchard with Jordan again,

Christmas decoration filled Orchard street..

After that, went to meet Jason and gang without Jessica.. =PP

Manyu and Jacob shocked to saw me when I walked down to meet them,

because Manyu just got to know something and the next moment I appeared..

And then I know, my words werent said clearly, because "he" interpreted it wrongly,

but I am not going to explain anymore, just let this matter rest..

Since I knew what I want the most, since I had said whatever I should said,

it is up to "him" to listen it or not..

I stopped eating supper for more than a week, but yesterday drank BEER while playing games..

Fun games introduced by Ryan..

And I feel like going to ARMY, because they say until like can get lots of money..

$_$ $_$ $_$ $_$

My PP assessment date is out, it falls on the last slot which is 5th December,

can meet up with Jessica and Jordan after that to celebrate Jordan's birthday,

since Jordan has lesson.. =DDDD

懂得让步，才能进步。。

就算真的有能忘记痛苦的药水也没有用，

因为，爱得深就能记起曾经的种种。

它如果被我们握得紧紧的，就不会让它跑掉，

因为，我们会舍不得。。

*Today is the 59th day, it is hitting to the second month*

Never throw my faith away when I choose to believe you over and over again..

Because of your over-protection, I couldnt resolve my problems and just relying on you,

I know you are just not bear to see me turning into another person whenever you mention his name,

but could you just believe, I am still rational enough to make the decision??

I didnt interfere about your problems, even didnt blame you of breaking our promises time and time,

and yet now you came over to interfere mine??

The first sentence of your reply, reflected your heart..

Despite I am fully proud of my rational, I still did misused it sometimes,

dun say you kept those words for so long..

However, you often failed to express what you really mean,

but I can heard the story behind your every word..

爱神要女孩把她的天真交易给恶魔，

以便换回永久的沉睡，好忘记痛彻心扉的那段爱恋。

而拥有天真的恶魔，幻化成女孩的面目出现在男孩眼前。

男孩以为女孩再次回到他身边，而不曾发觉女孩的虚荣，

恶魔一步步地让男孩忘记原来女孩的一切，

当他和她的交际就此停摆时，

爱神抽走了属于女孩的天真，叫醒了沉睡的女孩。

可是迎接他们的，却是没有记忆的两人，

是否能够在仅剩的日子里，唤醒曾经的点点滴滴呢？

Poster is 90% done, can be print soon and waiting for the presentation date..

Restricting my diet recently, in order to retrieve my previous weight,

and I want to turn back to vegetarian diet, trying my best to stop eating MEAT and FISH..

=DDDD

17th November is coming, our 7th anniversary..

AND AND, my next god-son/daughter is coming to this world soon!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA..

I will be a great nanny once again...

=DDDDDDD

I am working on my PP poster right now, while that stupid Yi Qiang pestering me throughout..

Outside is full of mahjong sounds, heavy metal musics, screaming, television background,

I thought hiding in the room will be better with only my music and having my own world,

who knows that KUKU keep disturbing me!!!!!

LOL.. =DDDDDD

I cant sit TAXI!!!!!

I will carsick, and dunno why only for public transport,

for own cars or motobike, no such problem..

Found myself so weird.. =P

I had been thinking over and over again,

but I still got the same answer, am I too stubborn to change my mind or I am just forcing myself to believe this entire fact??

So when is it coming to an end??

Till the day I gotten my real gift or till I finally realise how silly am I??

Yesterday really totally breakdown, out of no way cried like nobody business,

until Yi Qiang called and heard my different then I stop crying..

Ultimately, when he asked what happen to me I turn speechless, I also dunno what happen to me, maybe my tears too much need some place to shed out, and yesterday was the best time for it..

Thanks Yi Qiang, is your accompany that keep me strong enough to handle my own stuffs in my own way..

Your support is my best antidote over such matters and I am grateful for it.. =DDD

And and, my novels read till the last two books,

going to Xiujing's book store soon to look for other books..

I am very interested to Rome Myth nowadays, but couldnt find the related in Kinokuniya, must visit the library again..

I miss the days without worries and simply just chiong for O levels and skipping school,

a blink of eye, I am soon to my 20 and still uncertain on my future??

I am afraid when I cross over the road and a car just bumped onto me, I guess by that time I will not need to stress myself about my future and those unhappy issues..

OK, not trying to kill myself in this way, just thinking about it,

because accidents are unpredictable..

女孩明白了，只有放手才能握住。

而她也知道，当握着越紧只会让自己伤痕累累。

女孩只想开开心心地过着失去男孩的日子，

因为她认清了，男孩不会回来的事实。

When I decided to say the truth, what will your reaction be??

When I am upset over what you have said, will you change your words??

When I get the wrong intention, will you be untrue to your sentence??

Till the very end, whatever I hope to get wont be what you can give me..

Thanks for whatever were given to me, it seriously made me grown up within a night,

insist of holding onto one is tiring, but I dun see the point for me to give up that..

But I know, rather than giving up I chosen a better way to forget..

HAHAAHAHAHA..

Done with my grumble session, comes to my recent busy stuffs..

The other friend of mine, getting married soon and she is more blur than me,

till now then start trying her bride gowns..

Luckily, she not that fussy after trying five suits she finally made a decision for three suits..

Who knows maybe this time round the bride's bouquet will not fall on me again,

however I will still pin hopes on it.. =P

Another SINGLE night party coming up, but I am weak in drinking WINE,

just hope wont embarrass myself and drunk again.. =P

It will be a special party, because guys and girls will be in the same venue celebrating together,

which is so different like normal SINGLE night party..

OK, it is been days for me to stop counting over the time..

But I just couldnt stop to think of it..

My 300th post... \(^O^)/ \(^O^)/

Tan Yi Qiang said, he will share with me the secret when the time is ripe,
and at the time being, he hope I wont think much and distrust him..
He apologized, because he dunno the secret he kept will let me notice so fast,
he gave me at least till Christmas then can notice his stranges behaviours,
who knows, I noticed it so soon..

Tan Yi Qiang, please remember you added another promise,
and this promise is meant for you, not me..
Either you did it or break it, your choice..
I will just wait and see what is your secret, but I hope my senses failed for this time..

Sometime, the most I refuse to think of, it will just throw on me,
but when I feel like thinking about it, the feelings are not that anymore..
If I am seeking for an answer, who should I turn to??
Then I know, even though I am full of hurts and tears, I still dun feel like giving up,
because once I give up, all my effort and beliefs will be dump into the drain and no way to be found..
However, how long can I still maintain this kind of thoughts??

他的镜框留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我 有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢

伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀 如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱

我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来

我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢

伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

What to do??
Just like this song, I am holding onto those beliefs or maybe silly thinking,
trying to deceive myself, one day my pain will recover by itself,
and I will not shed tears in front of him..

Tan Yi Qiang, dun forgive me..
Because I finally realised, the pain I given you is far too much than what you gave me..

My sixth sense seldom failed,
my methods of tricking words are up to standard too,
but the only thing I couldnt get the answer will be..
YOU ARE HIDING THINGS FROM ME!!!!

One of the promises we set before,
never gonna hide any secrets to each other..
But you didnt made it!!!!
I remember whenever I say this to you, your answer will always be..
"What you want to know again??"
So once I ask, you will tell me the answer I want..
However, you didnt do it this time round..

OK, I wont pester you over the thing but please,
if you need my help, please tell me!!!!
TAN YI QIANG, I am talking about you..
It is really hurting to see you so terrible and yet I couldnt do anything..