DAMN THE PHOBIA!!!

Even though my main reason is I have no feelings against him,

but till now I still couldnt get myself over to start anew,

not really because of Mr.Nod guy, ever since I made up my decision,

however..

Somehow he changed me into like this..

I dun trust about "relationship",

I cant get myself to accept a guy that loved me instead of me loving him, not even having any touched feelings..

At least if I can develop some feelings then I wont feel bad for the guy,

but the worst part is, NO chemistry spank the tension..

If I will to accept a guy whom loved me, in the first place I wont be here Singapore, I will be far away at Vancouver already..

Nine years arent short, another year it make up 10 years,

but I cant persevere, I changed heart, I bear the consequences..

I dun blame anyone, because I know it isnt something to be regretted,

because.. I know myself well..

If I chosen the path myself, I will bear all the responsibilities..

I dun need any help, it will only show my weakness..

What I need, is just support or beliefs..

It will make me firmer and braver to fight against all the negative thoughts,

then I will win the battle..

真爱之路，从不平顺

我。。。依然寻找着。。。真爱

SO when memories flashed back, I got myself into hell again..

I wrote a lot in diaries, and when reading those entries I guess it's really hard..

Have I did anything wrong??

Just this minor request/hope, but is not even granted..

I hope I chosen the right choice this time round,

I live up for my swear, so dun let me down..

This time, I add one more swear..

Dun snatch my friends away from me, I need them,

I cherish the friendship so please dun make me suffer..

Hey,

I never shed a tear ever since the day I made this decision,

shouldnt I at least cry for a night prove that I loved him??

But sad to say, I didnt feel the pain,

never see my tears, never see my smile, never see my stubborness..

The pharse just keep wandering around my mind,

cant believe that time passed two years already, while I think back the scene, the memories, the person, the rejection..

How hurt can it be??

I guess, it dun hurt now..

It is not enough,

always always not enough..

When it comes to him, I often lose..

And then, the term always appear only this time become firmer and I hope it will last till the end..

I rather be less lucky,

always got the wrong person to fall for me,

and then I will hurt them like how he hurt me,

but I know, it is just my character..

我不畏惧爱情

只是害怕恋爱

深怕恋爱碰到错的人

爱情带来的伤害

理智和愚蠢

我都有了

15th January 2011,

the first 15th January at 2009, a guy put me in his heart but I got a tarnished name and thinking back about the person in my heart..

The second 15th January at 2010, we quarrelled over the same old topic, but you made our relationship firmer, had a good memories kept..

The third 15th January at 2011, you are gone, I am alone, and the guy invited me once again, but I rejected this time..

Tan Yi Qiang,

how are you??

Must be living "well"??

I am leading my life good, I didnt think about him much even though not sure if I still like him or not, but I am still doing well.. =DD

Me, Jessica, Jordan

I really thought we wont like "seperate", but I think now I can only say the bond arent strong now..

I get agitated easily over Jordan, his every negative thought makes me think that he dun fit to think negatively,

the first pharse that come to my mind normally is: "WTF!!??"

To taste the pain of love,

to learn the experience of relationship,

to give the chances of secure..

How much can I still do??

Mr.Nod guy,
life isnt by our way, I know confidence aint working well on you therefore I choose to forsake my confidence and courage, because since neither this can change your mind..
I wondered once, if the words were real but of course those words were real at that moment, but I didnt get a chance to continue what were able to carry on..
Now, I did well..
You did well too..
If not, I seriously aint able to make this decision and doing well..
Thanks, I will work hard to acheive the outcome we both yearn..

FYP finally come to an END~~~~

Thanks everyone that involved in this project,

BAOBEIs~~~~~

So it finally marks the last fourth week in RP,

today I feel the nostagic when taking pictures,

I really hope to be with all FRIENDs always always~~~

=DDDD

I am still not strong or courageous enough to be alone at Pasir Ris park,

the only thing I did well was I came home and countdown with my family instead,

I never know it is so dark at that pathway, I never know it is so cold at that time,

I really thought I can bring myself over to there, but indeed no..

So this is how it should feels??

After decided to put down everything, felt that nothing stucked within my heart felt relieved,

therefore, I did the good move??

After 3 years, after the time I step closer to you, after I finally feel tired,

I made this decision..

2009,

should had make up my mind at that time, shouldnt have continue, insisted on my sentence,

after all I am the only that remember it..

2010,

I kept the feelings clear, wishing or praying over the same wish,

but still... never granted..

Then now 2011,

I chose to stop everything here,

I really put all my efforts, really love you as much as I can, really waited as long as I can,

but the answer also following me for the past two years,

so it is time for me to wake up my senses..

Xiujing said, if only I can forget,

but she forgotten, my dearest friend changed me alot..

My friend made me realized that,

life is unpredictable..

Whatever we wished might not come true, always get wrong at the final lap,

then I should be more realistic..

It is painful,

but if I continue it will hurt more..

It is tearful,

but if I continue it will tears more..

It is beautiful,

but if I continue it will turn different..

So..... I give up

我输了，你赢了

我输给你，而你赢了我

我不相信爱情会再回到我身边，

因为现在的我，视爱情为奇迹。

但这奇迹，我选择拿来换我朋友的健康，

至于我，等待一个爱我的人来找寻我。