From the very first time we be together,
I already had this wish,
hoped that you are just a normal guy
and not a guy that will inherit family business..
For once, I hoped to have a poor boyfriend rather than a rich one..

No arguments between us,
but maybe an invisible wall built up in between us..
I seriously wont bear to let you leave me again,
whenever I thought of it, my heart really hurt..
But what to do??
Dun say you are willing to sacrifice,
if I will to let you do so, why will I bear all the pains in the beginning??

Never wanted to let you leave so I hold you tightly on,
I selfishly keep you beside me but yet I didnt want to leave with you..
Extremely selfish, right??
I must admit to it!!!
However, you always just accept my decision,
despite I know your heart didnt take the decision willingly..

I have to think cautiously in every move to allow our hurt be lessen,
but why do I feel the pain no matter how I decided??
Is like I am cutting my flesh away by myself,
and I couldnt stop my hand of doing it..
Why is the pain following me around??
When can I get healed??

Someone please enlighten me,
every single thing that come across my mind now,
causes the changed of my decision..
And I never want my selfishness to affect the rationale anymore,
because I know it is unfair for you..
Do you think I really have the right to take control of the whole situation??
I got to choose my way but you lost the right to reject my decision,
and I will make use of your kindness to do whatever I want..
FUCKING bad girl of me!!!!!

Tan Yi Qiang,
dun ever come and say all those unnecessary words to me again..
I post this is just to keep a record for myself,
on why will I HATE myself so much out of a sudden..
You are just too kind to blame me,
so I will need to know the word "SHAME"..
I will simply miss you like hell,
endure the pain all over again,
everything will be back to square one another time..

*goodbye*