MANGO MANGO MANGO!!!!

I and Jessica had been searching for this ever since yesterday..

Make it clear, we are finding the MANGO outlet,

the one that sell clothes not those whatever fruit wholesale..

=.=

We are searching for red clothes,

and why must it be MANGO??

Actually, we also not sure.. =P

Because, those red clothes we shopped are not what we want,

and far too apart from our purpose of buying a red clothes..

YEAH!!!!!

Please envy the both of us!!!!

Because Jessica got the tickets to the NDP, and it is for the actual day!!!!

Even though both of us not those country liker, but we still want to be loyal,

at least for one day.. >_<

Anyway, today is a good day for me..

At first, I woke up with a dream I personally preferred..

OK, the details are inside my diary and no one is able to read it anyway.. =P

Then reached school early, because I leave my house early..

And I myself break my assumptions, but got back an answer with doubts..

Lastly, I concluded..

If that is meant for me, it will become mine sooner or later..

HEHEHEHEHE.. =)

The expenses for the upcoming W25F chalet had roughly calculated out..

This time round, fewer people but we still able to keep the cost as low as possible,

and I seriously want FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, I have been going to the Singapore Airlines for times..

WHY???

Because I wanted to see if there are any planes going to Vancouver this few weeks..

For all my friends, I guess he might be leaving by this month,

I know he had been saying this ever since JUNE, but I guess this time round will be the confirmed one..

My heart, I know the best..

One heart but occupied with more than one person,

that is why my Facebook said I am unfaithful..

HAHAHAHAHA.. =D

*farewell*

Firstly, I moved house, finally all things shifted and I just sleep overnight there yesterday..
Now then I realized what Jessica mentioned before,
when the time I stepped out of my house, seriously feel like crying,
but what to do??

Secondly, I hurt-ed my back because I followed him to settle some problems..
OK..
Xiujing said she dun want talk to me due to this matter.. =(
Anyway, I almost recovered!!!
And the guy that hit me, received 100 times of hits back.. =D
It was meant to be a 'gang fight', end up everyone punching the same person..
All because, I injured..

This incident seriously made him realized, my decision is firm,
he though I am just kidding when he rake up this topic,
but end up, he know it hurts me so he gave up again for me..
Actually, I also dunno this will happened..
It should be coincidence, or maybe fated??
Just when he mentioned about this topic, next the incident happened..


OH YA..
He found my RED CROSS uniform at his wardrode and asked if I still want the uniform,
of course I do not need it, but guess what he did to it??
The next day, I noticed my bag had a red red thing,
then I walked forward to check it out,
it was my NAME TAG!!!!
HAHAHAHHAHA..
He pinned on my bag and I am bringing it out everyday to school..
THANKS!!!


Think through about it, conclusion I got will always be the same!!!
Anyway, I learned to ignore others and do the way I want..
Even if it hurts in certain ways, but I simply waiting for the hurt instead of waiting for a deeper hurt..
That is why I think I isnt a good girl anyway..

*You say I dunno, did you ever think if I really know*

I think my blog is being neglected for time,

and so my job today will be posting my happenings for this few missing days..

=DDD

Firstly, 22nd of this month had passed,

and I seriously enjoy myself for that two days,

nevertheless, whatever should be paid, I did my job..

The only thing that couldnt use my effort to pay,

I will then replace it by other thing..

Feeling sad??

YES, I did..

However, I isnt those kind of person that will regret over my own choices,

I will only regret on things that I avoid not to happen but it happened..

You should know what I mentioning about..

So please do not return to the past!!!

Never ever had all those thoughts!!!

If you insist, and there goes the both of us too..

Dun only think of our relationship,

because that is what I dun want to see the most..

Our story started unexpectedly,

seven years of knowing, two years of status, one day of goodbye..

We really worked hard, or maybe I am the one who give up first,

I give up this relationship, I give up you, I give up our promises..

But you picked each pieces up and trying to form it back to original,

despite I said it was useless,

you still act like a child and ignore my words..

And the ending, it still disappoint you..

I know if I can be a bit more selfish, it might not be this kind of outcome..

I know if I can ignore others like how I ignore your heart, you will be happier..

I know if I can just nodded my head and let you prepare everything, both of us wont be suffering..

Just everything are under my expectation, but I simply just skipped the step,

the step that will make my life brighter..

See how Calvin and Alice are leading their life??

Few years down the road, you and her will be leading the same too..

Stop thinking the one beside you must be me,

think of how you and her can build a happy family..

Dun ever make her feel insecure,

that is something a woman really need..

GOODBYE, to you..

Once my Mr.Right, my Knight, my Sun, my Love..

I will stay and pray for you,

may you receive the best blessing, happily ever after..

I will pursue my happiness too,

despite it might be difficult or longer..

女孩对男孩说：“分开的两颗心，始终都联系着同一条线，所以如果你会心痛，我也会。”

男孩听了这席话，只能紧紧地拥着女孩，仿佛害怕女孩会在他眼前消失般。

故事，终于到了尽头。。。

另一个故事，即将是由不同的人来扮演，

他们永远不会有续集的可能了。。。

*quenching with blood*

I have been busy this few days or maybe weeks,

all my days had been burned by my dearest father,

NO outing, NO night life, NO sleeping late,

my life is like totally turn over,

however.. this wont last long,

once I say 'BYE BYE' to Serangoon,

my life will turn back to normal..

Yeah, two more days to 22nd,

last month I still look forward to 22nd,

but for now, I not sure if I should await for this day??

He is always keeping my life as great as he could,

is it I couldnt repay back him,

or our time is really up??

There was a secret that I haven tell anyone,or maybe,

there is no time for me to inform everyone..

Finally, the day came - the day where I saw her face to face!!!

It didnt shown out to what I imagine, or maybe not to any worst state..

I not sure if she was trying to stay calm or she know who am I,

because the first moment she saw me, she just smile and said a 'HI'..

Whereas, I stunned and keep wanting to leave his house,

end up, he totally ignored her and pulled me into his room..

Therefore, led us to a BIG fight!!!

It was a Sunday night, which means yesterday,

just nice I am done with my moving early and so went out with him..

Accompany him down to Orchard, as he want to buy a formal outfit,

after a few window shopping, he finally bought a suit so we head back his house..

He didnt told me that she is at home, or maybe he also dunno if she was at home,

and when the both of us stepped in his house, she still run out from the room and welcome him..

I seriously dunno what to say or do,

but I still blame him of pulling me in to his room and leave her outside,

what if she suspect anything??

Then everything will get out of our control,

I never want to face it, keep on trying to avoid this as much as I could,

however, now all clashed together..

BIG BIG fight, I know shouldnt start the fight, but I feel so unbearable for her..

I am a girl too, can understand how she really feels,

everyone might tell me she is the one who destroy my relationship,

but I always think she is the most innocent one!!!

The decision I made shouldnt let her be the one who bear it,

to someone who know nothing but still been drag into the picture..

Therefore, it ended up with the both of us crying,

and I even broke the couple cup I bought for a gift when he leave..

Of course, I did it unintentionally but it tore our heart..

Quarrel, argument, tears, sadness..

OK, conclusion - I think it lies on me..

Everything will STOP after the 22nd,

no more changes, no more grumbles,

I choose it, I face it!!!!

*SORRY*

If you knows the outcome of that scenario, will you still hold hopes for it to change??

At least for me, I give up the last opportunity, all because..

I am too tired..

Shouldnt be me the one that feels tired,

because he must be more tired than me..

I just dun want to see things keep repeating again and again!!

I hate it!!!!

Also dunno why suddenly all those bad thoughts came to my mind,

I also hope can forget all these and make my life better,

is it really too hard for me or I just didnt work hard for it??

I guess I am just pushing the blames to him,

in order make myself free and enable the hurt to be minimized..

No one can tolerate lonely, is just that they are afraid of getting hurt,

so putting up a protective mask, to show that they dun care..

Am I doing the same too??

YES, I do..

I was reading all my older posts, in one shot..

How I fall in love, what happen to me and him, me and my eye candy,

at last he leaving me again and again, how deep the love had actually grew in our heart,

till the end, we still not fated to be together and even end up with me decided to fall in love on another guy..

Maybe he was the one that betrayed our promise first,

but I am the master-mind that plotted the whole trap..

Now then I realized, not he dun bear to blame me,

it was the fear he afraid to receive that dun allow him to scold or blame me..

That is why he treated me so good, without holding any grumbles..

Everything came from the fear..

当你用尽全力，还是感觉无能为力时，这是不是也在意味着，是时候放弃了？

When you used all effort but still feel useless, does it means it is time to give up?

YEAH, he will be staying here till our two year anniversary,

however, at least for now I wont expect much..

Sometime, I even think that his fiancee is not even here,

he is just trying to force me, see if I will be provoked and leave with him..

But I know, he never will crack a joke like this,

because he dun benefit from it either..

There was once, I finally realized the feelings I fall for him is called "LOVE",

and that was my first time treated the relationship as a long term and everlasting,

the first guy I ever think will be mine for the rest of my life, so I committed..

But fairy tale is never going to happen in reality..

It vanished at the moment both of us left..

童话故事就算存在，也并没有全然地发生在我们身上。

也许这也证明了，我不是公主，没法享受这种待遇。

如果你是王子，那就找个适合你的王妃吧！

至少，我知道自己不是公主。。。

If you really feel apologetic, then grant my wish..

If not, let me put the stop after the day..

*cold-hearted*

And so, we didnt quarrelled..
I seriously LOVE it!!!!

Yeah, I know he is leaving soon so we should not quarrel frequently,
but this few times, I started the quarrel first and he ended it..
Such a nice guy, simply just accept my unreasonable,
without any grumbles, of course he will still raise his voice at me..

Yesterday, he brought me to Grand Hyatt Hotel..
Western Cusine Restaurant, with my Fish and Chips..
=DDD
He had been waited for me around, 1 hour 15mins??
Because he reached AMK at 5pm, where my test finished at 4.45pm,
he expected me to use fly and reach AMK within 15mins..
Luckily, I took a train yesterday..
=DDD

I forced him to drive me home and have a bath then come out,
shouldnt have done it this way, because my mother nagged at me when I about to come out of my house again..
And I prefer my attire after that, because it made me more lady-like..
=DDD

And guess what he say to me when I told him I wanna go back for a bath??
"You should have wear the attire you want to school then we can go out straight after that"
Seriously, I picked a fight with him due to this!!!
Why must I always give in to him when it come to meals wise??
Everytime go to those high-class places, make me so paranoid easily,
and need to look for attire that is appropriate for those places..
*sick and tired of it*

Anyway, he is going to follow my way for today.. =DD
Meeting me at AMK again, and I hope he stop being silly again,
as I am having test for today..

No more arguments, only laughter..
Actually, I will try my very best for it,
or the both of us will maintain our status like now..

I guess, even without whoever I can still lead my life well..
=DDD

Everyday,everyday, I am afraid of receiving unknown calls,
even though I know you will stop everything of happening,
but the phobia just stay there, and never want to goes off..
Isnt this is something I knew since long ago??
However, deep inside my heart, I still hope it will never happen on me..


Am I selfish or greedy or both??
Why do I have the rights to tell everyone,
'eh, I decided to wait for him.. waiting for him to turn back his head??'
Whereas, my actions are showing my unfaithfulness??


It seems hard for me to justify your every intention,
or maybe, I didnt work hard enough to see through your intentions??
Just simply wanted you to follow my way,
the way I think is best for the both of us,
however, you didnt think the same, right??

And my motivate is just ignore your every intention,
simply dump everything back ahead, lead my own life..
A life that without your participation,
but I still lead it well or maybe better than before..

Seriously, I dun believe in everlasting or never ending,
maybe that exist, but it isnt time for me to meet it yet,
so for now, I only believe on my own..
I decided to wait, because I dun want to leave any regrets,
not saying I believe on it..

Outsiders cant see how tough the both of us actually endured,
they only see the outcome of our story,
just waiting to see a happy ending..
However, we as the lead decided not to act anymore,
stop all our actions and leaving our story stopped at the best moment..

No one knows actually, maybe only we know..
But when we said the reasons out, no one want to believe,
they think it are all excuses!!
We shouldnt look at other's face to lead our life??
I know, we know, but it is a matter of trust and time..

My heart is also bleeding,
you never know, I never want to say..
So for once, I posted out here, for you and me to see..
Do you really think I harden my heart and couldnt see your pain??
If you or everyone will to think in this way, then let it be..
Just treat me as a vixen and get over this matter,
my conscience is clear enough for my entire life,
if there is someone I need to feel sorry for, is the other girl,
the most innocent one..

OK..
All this started and ended within these few days,
I just hope it really can stop and never will continue again..

MY CHOICE, I FACED

Yeah, for the two who knew what is my problem,
greatly thanks to them because they accompany me along..
Anyway, like everyone said, my choice and I can only face it..

Another news, I am moving house end of this month,
due to some problems, my new flat is finally allocated..
However, it means my new place is much more further than the current place,
and if I want 'someone' to sent me home, will be a NO NO NO again!!!
*haix*

Every minor action is enough for me to be contented,
and in fact, I learnt to get contented easily,
because I want to see myself happier..
I wonder, why do our interaction always occur when we drink??
Can there be once, I can feel your caring when we are clear-minded??

Painted my new house into BLUE!!!!
And I am happy with the outcome,
I slept only for 3 hours plus and woke up extremely early yesterday morning,
start work at 9plus and ended at 5plus in the afternoon!!!
It is tiring, but halfway through,
he came and look for me..

Of course, I am shocked..
And he didnt said much, just told me that his fiancee went out to meet her friends..
Make me feel like a mistress, when the formal wife isnt around then come look for me,
I feel the pain, never will I tried this kind of relationship again,
unless I found the right one another time..

All sort of reasons, and seriously it made me stabilize my own feelings..
Without fail, I am going to wait again,
and I know the days will not be easy for me,
but maybe because the person is you,
since I am willing to place down my past for you,
I guess waiting for you wont be a problem..

*How I hope, you will know my feelings*

YO HOO~~~

Clarke Quay last night, for dearest Xiujing's birthday celebration!!!

Went to her boyfriend recommend de pub, Beds..

Open a bottle of Martell, and her boyfriend paid for it,

super NICE!!!

Drank pure for few glasses, then started playing games..

Zhong ji mi ma and 007,

I guess my luck is good in the game zhong ji mi ma, but in 007,

because I shouted wrongly, "AHHH" for no reason, so need drink..

Anyway, my vision really turned blur but my mind was like still functioning well,

and my gastric also got a bit burnt feel..

Thanks Xiujing and Sing Ning dear, they trying hard to pull me and Sikai together,

and we really just sat beside each other..

He played games kanna punished drank already 5 to 7 glasses,

but he dun want me to drink for him, so he alone drank all..

And seriously, he feel like dying..

(I have confidence that he wont read my blog, so I wrote his name here)

Ok, there is this doll catching machine right in front of us,

then in the middle of drinking, me and Sikai talked about it,

there is a doll with a label and if caught it got a free bottle of Martell,

so I asked Sikai to go catch one and give me..

Until about the end of game, he wanted to prove he is fine, we went to try catching,

I pointed on the doll and he go aim,

just when the catcher drop down I told Sikai,

"如果你抓得到，我给你$10", and this moment the doll dropped down..

I was like burst out laughing then went to tell Xiujing about it,

and end up, the doll he really gave it to me.. =DDD

(the last picture on top)

Actually, I also dunno what exactly the doll is,

a elephant? Because there is this tag on the ear, and the picture is showing on an elephant..

Frankly speaking, I can say my feelings have not fade away..

My emotions are well-controlled, so I didnt express anything out,

not to spoilt the atmosphere and also I know this is something I need to face one day..

*还是有感觉*

I HEARD A SHOCK NEWS AND SIMPLY HOPE IT WAS JUST A JOKE..

Do I even believe retribution??
If someone will to ask me now, I think I will answer YES..
Never for once I hate myself of saying lies to everyone,
and never will I expect the scene will be shown like this..

I feel so tired on waiting for a reply or maybe a turn back,
even though it isnt meant for me right at the beginning..
Why are you acting kind again??
NO, I am just trying to free myself,
giving up on an unsuitable love, this will make me feel better..

If I realised my mistakes, it will never too late..
Before anything goes wrong, dun hurt yourself and others..
Frankly speaking, I think all this doesnt works on me or rather us..

A few hours ago I could still talk craps and laughing around,
after a few hours, my heart just sink to the end..
"Then tell me not to go!!! Tell me!!!!!"
Yeah, I also hope I can said this,
but I need to face the consequences after saying this,
a very heavy responsible placed on my shoulder..

OK, I didnt want to talk much!!!
Put an end on it then..

I FORCE HIM TO PROMISE ME,
AND HE DID.. =DDDD

RP seriously pissed me off!!!!!
I know it is all for precautions, but $6 for the entrance to school,
NO thermometer = NO entrance to school = ABSENT!!!!!
Confirmed cases are 91 now in RP,
but I cant see why we pay the school fees just to get sick,
even though my immune system didnt reduce any,
that doesnt means people surrounding are same too..
*argh*
Totally freak me up, man!!!!

Every, every day, I made him promise me that he will NOT leave without a word,
I still made him said a curse, if he ever break the promise,
he will.................................................
HEHEHEHEHE.. =DDDD
However, till now he haven even go to book his air tickets,
I dunno if he is waiting for me to ask or he had his other plans..

Actually, I didnt think about what will happen to our relationship after he leave,
will he fall in love to his fiancee and left me alone here??
Or both of us will like need time to forget each other??
I always want to know, how much time do we need??
Whenever I thought it is time for me to put down,
I couldnt find enough reasons to do so,
so end up, what am I looking for??

Sometime, I might be just forcing myself to accept the facts that we are not destined,
but I also know, not that we are not destined,
is my decision changed the entire situation..
If I am willing to put down all my considerations,
both of us will not like suffering here..
And I seriously hope that my rational can stop here,
but never will it happen, because I forbid it to happen..

Rushing rushing rushing..
I am rushing out our story,
please at least enough time for me to give it as a present to him..
Please please please..

Lastly, I didnt pin too high hopes on the other 'him',
because I know he will not act like what I think..

UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE!


Ok, I realized haven been typing on my blog for the past few days..
Therefore, I am here to post..


I am leading my life as per normal,
school, home, of course planning for Xiujing's birthday celebration..
This coming Saturday, going to Clarke Quay,
and I really hope my "boyfriend" dun ever deceive me..
I will HATE him for it!!!!
FOR SURE!!!!


Jessica said if he really going back this Sunday, then I still assume that he wont cheat me,
till that time, I cried or throw tantrums also useless..
Because, he might only left me a message, I still even imagine what the message will be writing..
"****, I leave without a word, only a message for you.. Please remember, you are the one who pushed me away.. It is very hard for me to blame you, but it is hard for to forget about it too.. I persuaded for thousand of times, but I couldnt change your mind.. I just hope, you will got the happiness you want, or desired for long.. ***"

Ok, because I asked him if he really going to leave without a word,
what will he write in the message, so he told me and then I roughly type out here..
Dun think I can read his mind, and able to get his every single word right..
However, nowadays he is so irritating!!!

Keep opposing to whatever I say,
he stop to give in to me, and wanted me follow his ways..
But, I did it too!!
I grumble a few sentences then agree to him..

Actually, I and my evil thoughts are following me around..
How I hoped everything can goes as I planned,
thus he will be able to stayed, and we can celebrate our two years anniversary,
therefore I say, human is really greedy..
I only wanted to spent our 23months together,
but now I still hoped for our two years anniversary..
End up, I might got nothing except sadness..

因为害怕，所以我连前进的勇气都没有。
因为疲累，所以我静静地合上双眼。
因为爱你，所以我远远地祝福你。