I said goodbye to my past, moving forward for my present, looking out my future..

However, without doubt my future is always blur and uncertain,

who say have dream and go for it, that means your future??

My dream vanished over a night, does that also means my future vanished too??

I said lots of heartless words to Yi Qiang,

maybe I am venting my anger on him, just to make myself feel better,

but end up, I didnt feel good even worsen..

I thought we can at least last till he go back to Vancouver, and we wont be quarrelling,

however, I still pick a fight with him..

Of course he didnt gone crazy, in fact I am the one who talk he listen quietly,

he thinks I am going back to my previous status, no more real smile left with my acting skills..

Ultimately, he is right..

When I am serious, people thinks I am joking,

when I am faking, my actions or words are being questioned,

therefore, I decided just to act..

Act as though I dun care anything, laugh when that is necessary, show confidence where I dun feel any in myself, going to be a professional clown..

Jordan is wrong, my Happy-Go-Lucky character failed when my mind is filled with him,

my rational skills failed when I am with him..

I asked Jessica why couldnt LOVE be easier??

Or maybe why not our LOVE be simpler??

She said, then that wont be LOVE anymore..

I am going to train myself, to keep my thoughts or feelings even deeper inside my heart,

not intending to tell anyone how I feel, not going to ask anyone should I do this or that,

just let me hide inside my own world, with only myself..

So I make it a habit to write diary, one way to vent my thoughts or feelings freely and without any stress..

This can also help me to say something which I do not have the courage to say..

It took away my beliefs and made me going to cope with it again,

the last request I had, it still didnt fulfil me..

I thinks the problem lies on me, because I am still not sincere enough..

Ya, I fall in love to all Jay Chou's songs this few days,

accompany me when I feel moody and upset..

=DDD