My decision

YEAH, just got back from chalet and I know it was a good journey, fun time,

somehow, I am happy but sad in some ways too..

However, chalet will always be fun only, and I just realized I cant drink much,

few cups of pure vodka I already cant walked straight,

so I 'ke siao' lo..

Totally not me, and totally ruined my relationship I desired from long..

Lots and lots of words, deep and deeper feelings,

I gotten myself to move on, because I believe my instincts,

believe that you just need some time and I just need to give you more time,

in order to be honest to you and to myself..

Sometime, I think you are able to read my blog, or maybe I hoping to let you read my blog,

however, you didnt say anything, so let me assume that you wont be reading..

Back to square one again, but I think it somehow affected our friendship,

despite I trying to talk first, act first, but I know it just have an invisible barrier in between..

You said alot, I expressed enough,

I believe you, believe that we will have better ending..

6 months ago, I tried once but it failed,

now I tried again and still failed too, however I wont give up easily,

because you said something important..

For now, whoever want to turn crazy over me just go ahead,

at least I know who is the one I want, who is the one I want to wait,

maybe it is somehow fast for me to fall in love on others, but I face my feelings seriously..

I might feel tired in between the time, but mine couldnt compare with yours,

because you need to face more things than me, you need to think more other things than me,

so I couldnt say TIRED, I couldnt FORCE you, I can only TRY over and over again,

just to get a YES YES from you..

How long will it takes?? Maybe another 6months??

Even though there might be another you living in this world, you are always the special one for me,

maybe I go too overboard this time, so I deserved this kind of treatment,

therefore, I will force or train myself not to repeat doing all those again, I promise you in secret..

I dun want to apologize too much, because when a 'SORRY' is said times, it turned out to be useless, holding no meaning..

If you will to know this or if I have the chance to tell you about this,

I am guilty, fully living with guilt..

Remember I said, I afraid to forget everything, afraid couldnt see you anymore??

How will we react when we are out together again??

If no contact in between us, I might collapsed on the spot,

then I will realize how fragile am I, not strong enough to handle the problems between us,

those strengths I have, it will just vanish in the moment, just a blink of eye..

Everyone ask am I confirmed??

100% confirm and guarantee, YES you are the one I want or maybe looking for..

You might not think like how I thought so, but a relationship will not always be balance,

since I given in so much, dun mind give more for your sake..

Just hope whatever I said wont turn out to be a pressure for you..

一年多的认识，却比不上七年的友情、爱恋吗？

至少对我而言，我知道比不上！

无论是七年还是十七年，我一旦爱上了只想奋不顾身地爱着，

大道理每个人都会说，可是真正能做到的又有几人呢？

在未来的无数个日子里，我只想全心全意地去爱这个人，

一个让我放下过去往前走的这个男孩，既然要等那我只能接受这个决定。