why others could see how much ii give in,
but my family cant???
iziit becos they thought ii wont leave them alone,
iziit becos ii am closest to them????
but wat ii asking for, is juv a console given by them......
juv becos ii didnt express my emotions,
tat means ii am strong????
ii am NOT!!!!
is juv tat ii couldnt find a place to retreat my useless,
so ii need to act.....
act as if ii am strong,
act as if ii dun care.....

ii need to admit tat,
tis was wat ii chosen,
so ii shouldnt grumble here....
but why do ii feel so unwillingly now???
ii shouldnt have tis kind of thoughts, isnt it????
however.....
wat ii gave, didnt returns.....
ii didnt manage to got back wat ii put in.....

why should ii always be the one tat took everii initiative???
ii care but others didnt....
ii worrii but others dun give a damn.....
so, wat is the point for mii to care or worrii???
ii am not a noble person,
ii dun need others to praise how great am ii,
ii need someone to tell mii,
he will settle everii thing for mii....
however.....waited, waited and waited.....
till someone came and leave,
ii still need to wait.....

TAN YIQIANG....
verii heart break now ma???
ii accept your apologize,
but ii am in wrong too.....
"how long will you take to forget a relationship????"
this was wat ii asked you,
"till the end of my life, ii will never forget!!!"
this was wat you replied.....
sometime, things will need to happen on own,
then we will know how it feels.....

manyu, so coincidence siia....
one of yiqiang's friend oso gettin married soon....
but it held at hotel, and ii tink is at RAFFLES HOTEL oh....
hahahahhax......
somemore if ii not wrong.....
it is at the day, fei lun hai concert ticket signature session....
16th of Nov....
hahahahax... ii might be attendin his wedding....
his friend is older than yiqiang 4years,
which means older than mii 8years....
now 26, with his girlfriend 5 or 6 years le....
so sweet hor????
can get marry.....
ii scared when ii am there, ii might envy them siia....
hahahahahax....=D

why onlii to TAN YIQIANG,
ii forgive him so fast ar???
to jordan, ii dun seems so fast calm down,
to him, juv an apologize, ii forgive him le....
strange siia, to myself.....
maybe it realii look at the person ba....=D

TAN YIQIANG.....
tell you now first, before you know it....
everii moment now, ii intend to raise my hand to anii alcohol.....
ii told myself to restrict myself,
but it looks so tempting....
shawn wanted to meet mii tml.....
with them, bottles of alcohol in front of mii,
how could ii not tempted???
ii tried it once, but it realii feel so terrible....
afraid the next time cant tahan the temptation....
if ii drunk, dun worrii.....
it is juv nearby my house,
and shawn will sure sent mii back home....

当他靠你很近时，
当他愿意让你打骂他，
当他愿意随传随到，
当他温柔地问你要吃什么、喝什么时，
当他只对你一个人笑，
当他为你打架时，
当他会为你改变时，
那个人和你的关系，真的只有朋友吗？？

today....
went out with W25F classmates.... (my dears =D)
went to play pool at amk.....
OMG....
ii improved alot siia... =P
jessica, next time we oso go play....=D

after, went to buy alcohol at cheers....
ii didnt drink oh...=D
becos dun wan break promise and no money.....
dears, muz tell you guys tat,
mii, sikai and kam leong went to the acarde after separated with you guys....
stay together for till 10plus.....
pai seh if didnt jio you guys along....=(

ii believe, my heart is realii harden.....
becos today, ii realii cant feel anii thing....
read jacob's "ex" blog....
they are realii past tense le....
do ii feel happii???
frankly speaking, ii am not....
ii not give a damn to him anii more....
so paranoid over his 'girl girl',
luckily, ii let myself off tat position....

he pushed mii away when there was a bicycle coming towards mii,
he covered his jacket on mii when he saw mii shivering,
he stopped at the booth and asked mii wat ii wan to eat,
he sided mii when someone maligned mii,
he held my hands tightly in a crowd,
he lent mii his shoulder when ii feel sleepy,
he gave in to mii whenever ii told him to,
he made decisions for mii and let mii stayed free,
he changed when ii suggested him to,
he kept mii accompany whenever ii need him,
why should ii continue blah blah blah here????
those are no longer happening on mii....

wat status are mii and TAN YIQIANG????
who will believe tat both of us are not couple????
we didnt mentioned tat we are together,
same as tat we didnt said the word "break".....
so, are we couple???
ii am puzzled too....=(
my heart wasnt shattered into pieces,
becos no one could ever shatter it anii more.....
till the day ii fall in love on some one,
tat will be the day,
my heart turns lively and warmly again....

believe it or not...
ii cant stop you!!!!!
somethings shouldnt be able to see through eyes,
it need your heart to sense the things....
dun worrii, manyu....
not talking about you....

TAN YIQIANG.....
you said even though ii am not by your side,
you still will lead your life better than now......
but you DIDNT!!!!!!
ii admit, ii broke my promise too.....
but ii control myself, ii restrict myself.....
you making yourself ill in order to get my concern,
at first ii will, but now....
ii tink it NOT WORTH IT!!!!!
if you wan to continue your life in this way,
then juv go ahead!!!!!
ii wont STOP you!!!!!

"you doesnt realii understand, how much ii love you"
this was wat you told mii....
a sentence of sweet talk, tat made mii feel puzzled....
is ii realii dun understand,
or am ii juv wanting you to forget about mii????
"you doesnt realii understand, how much courage ii need to let you off"
this was wat ii replied....
how much should both of us understand,
in order to reduce our pain to the lowest????

you might suffer double than mii....
but how you know ii am not hurt too????
dun assume anii thing,
ii dislike your assumption!!!!!
can you see how much tears ii shed for you???
can you see how long ii took to recover???
can you see how fake my smile is????
why do you still sae all this words when you dun mean it???

okiie...
ii oso dunno who ii vexed my anger to.....
juv attracting attention, maybe.....
despite ii know you wont rush back becos of my words.....
you muz be verii furious now???
27th Aug 2008 => 27th Oct 2008....
today is the third month you leave mii.....
30th Jun 2007 => 27th Oct 2008.....
15months and 27days.....
from the day you confessed, till now.....
17th Nov 2002 => 27th Aug 2008.....
the first day we met, till the day you leave....
these dates are for mii to remember everii single memory with you.....

shawn and gang came to look for mii ytd....
after my dinner with my parents.....
chit chat with them,
and at tat moment, ii realii thought ii am in the past....
with all my friends around mii....
there was a guy who is verii good in sweet talking....
he actually asked mii for drink next time....
hahahhax....
this kind of things, ii dun believe anii more....
my first impression to others,
will always be those buddy, buddy type,
guy wont look at mii as girl in the first impression....

ii didnt drink......
becos ii wanna prove to TAN YIQIANG....
wat ii said, wat ii promised, ii will do it....
not like him!!!!!

其实，我并没有要怪你的意思。。。
只是，我希望当你在做任何事前，
可以想到和我的承诺。。。
我不想再看到你为了我，
牺牲那么多。。。
不是说好了，
一起努力的吗？？？
我一步步地走来了，
所以我希望，
你能在终点迎接我！！！

甜言蜜语，我也想说给你听。。。
‘躺在云端上附看着世界，吸引我的却只是你的目光’
这一句话，很熟悉吧？？
你当年送我的话。。。
现在，到我说给你听！！！
再加一句。。。。
‘好想你！！’

friday....
meet out jessica after my dinner with daddy....
den called jason, ryan and manyu along too....
ii reached there earlier,
so ii start sorting out my wallet....
ii threw away those letter ii wrote when with the memories of jacob,
den threw away movie tickets....
memories unabke to dump away,
however, if there are nothing for mii to tink of,
den ii wont even take the initiative to find out their news....

waited for all to come....
den gather around the playground,
play poker, chit chat, joke around....
till the time of 12.10am.....
dunno which BASTARD!!!!!!!!
dump a big of water bag down,
and exactly tio mii and ryan!!!!!!!
F-U-C-K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jessica and jason tio their pants,
manyu is the clean wan....
tat muz the first time ii scolded so manii vulgarities but ii didnt slap myself....
it was realii WTF lo!!!!!!!!!!
den we called for the police as we suspected tat the person might be from the seven storey....
we waited for police around 40mins....
when they came, listened to our explaination,
and they said: "but you guys didnt see anii one rite???so no EVIDENCE..."
but they still went up to the seven floor,
and they came down and said they might not be the one...

till now the culprit is not found yet....
ii juv wanted to find out who did it,
and he/she will get tat from mii and all of us!!!!!!
but jessica said she feel uneasy when the way she walked home....
cos was in her blk, den she feel like someone is watching at her....
and something to add are....
singapore police are not tat effective!!!!!
some more they dun take our words or cases as a matter.....
maybe is onlii at hougang area,
but ii still tink police should be the same,
treat citizens in the same manner.....
this was wat happen on friday night....
should be updating on tat midnight,
but ii oso feel abit weird of stayin so late alone in room,
so went to take a quick bath, den went to bed....
ii actually toss around for a hour den finally fall asleep,
but jessica didnt manage to sleep.... =(
poor thing of her... ;(

my one week holiday started!!!!
YIPPY.....
but need to prepare for manyu birthday present....
even though cant use one,
but at least better than nothing....
but ii oso thought of juv buy something for her,
this will be my last resort if ii do not have time to do it...=P


actually,
ii juv wanted to update my blog onlii...
oso nothing much to sae....
scared lots of my friends later sae ii didnt update...=D
okiie.. end here le....=D

movie for the day...

went to watch movie yesterday,
after sending the spect. to my brother...
long, long journey....
from yew tee to somerset.....
took mii 45mins siia....=X

this show is nice as in the effects....
but it will be a one time show,
ii wont watch it for another time....
but one of the lead,
his hair is soooooooooo handsome lo....
hahahax....
den ii keep praise the hair instead of other parts of the show....
=PPP

den went to amk library....
OMG....
the books there were almost ii read before le lo....
of cos are those tat ii like de la....
den head down to hougang mall....
cos tat time jessica return all her books at hougang mall,
so go see can borrow those tat she returned ma???
but end up, onlii managed to saw a 99bucks book....

head back home, went dinner with my parents....
and ii am verii guai,
ii saw one of my friend at amk mrt station,
den he jio mii along to drink....
but ii didnt go!!!!
despite at tat time, ii realii feel like drinking....

oh ya....
ii not onlii addicted to alcohol,
ii oso in LOVE on milk tea now....
however.... a cup of milk tea = 3sets of KFC????
OMG!!!!!
den ii muz be grown fat for dunno how much le....
but tml goin gym,
so can at least lost some calories....=P
juv hope tat ii wont faint,
low blood pressure, so muz take care....

why nowadays lots of people distrust each other???
especially close friends.....
to someone who know who ii am talkin about.....(not my poly friends)
tat is why ii sae cant put trust on anii one,
the person you can depend on,
always will be ownself.....

my eyes are closed, since ii cant see anii colours....
my heart is frozen, since no one able to open it....

there are no longer seven colours when ii saw a rainbow now...

nothin can appear in my eyes with colours!!

juv like how ii shut my heart, ii did the same to my eyes....

so someone might need to open my heart first,

before wanting mii to fall in love on him....

however.. tat is impossible!!!!

no one for now willing to defroze my heart...

so ii dun need to wait for it to happen....

jessica looks upset after jordan's msg....

wat more can ii do????

ii cant quarrel with jordan,

ii oso dunno wat to quarrel about....

sometime, a true friend wont need to wait for another to call,

he/she will take the initiative to call you....

tat are things tat is IMPOSSIBLE....

for example, rain drops are not red in colour,

apple wont be blue in colour.....

so some people wont change in some of their characters....

TAN YIQIANG discussed with mii about wedding the previous day....

he asked mii how will ii arrange my wedding and wat ii wan it to look like???

frankly speaking, till now ii am still thinking.....

ii wanted my wedding being held at the best hotel,

invite all those relatives tat look down on us,

but something tat mii feel upset were....

who will ii invite to my SISTERS group????

jessica, manyu, qiuling den some of my poly friends????

hahahahax......

who will accompany mii down the road for so long???

now den ii know,

actually my circle of friends is so small.....

okiie.... end of day-dreaming!!!!!!!!!!!

心结冰了，需要多久再溶化呢？？

暴风雨前的宁静，

原来是这样的。。。

不要告诉我这世上没有‘不可能’的事，

人死了，可能复活吗？？？

机会溜走了，可能要得回吗？？

我又再一天，成功地哭不出来了。。。

我一直想让眼泪落下，

可是。。。我还是如此冷静地面对！！！

remember how long ago, you told mii not to think of him anii more???
but ii juv cant do it....
ii always disobey you,
but you will still make the initiative to tell mii....
despite ii still neglect wat you said!!!!!

OCTOBER BABY....

ii believe in everii scar formed, ii will be a step nearer to happiness...
heart broken to see him actually with another girl,
happily walking....
however....this is nothing....
compare to the pain ii let you go....
this is realii nothing.....
everii day ii wil grumble how much ii miss you....
but the fact was,
ii missed the chance,
ii let the chance slip by my side again....


lots and lots of things happened....
energy was used up more and more fast....
till now, ii onlii left the energy to accompany my parents,
but ii miss those days goin out....
enjoy, have fun, crazy along....
this might be more and more far apart from mii!!!!
a girl tat need FREEDOM more than everii thing,
but becos she is too filial,
and she is goin to lost the freedom she had before....

no matter how much ii can give,
please remember....
we are alreadii over the line of couple....
so we do not need those NAMES or IDENTITY to prove tat,
we are in LOVE.....
but please....
promise mii tat,
my LOVE or RELATIONSHIP or PRESENCE,
will not become a burden to you....

when everii thing come to the end,
do not insist on holding all this anii more...
my thoughts and feelings,
are something tat will pull both of us down....
maybe ii might not be important to someone,
but to you, my family and my closest friends,
ii am verii important...
even though in the eye of who ii like,
ii am not....

你的话，我收到了。。。
我的心，你带走了。。。
对于一个已经没有感觉的我，
会是谁让我从新点起，
恋爱的感觉呢？？
会是再次开启我心的，
还是又再受伤呢？？

ii dun need some one tat treat mii juv friends in heart,
but the actions are like couple....
is not your words tat hurt mii,
is your action tat hurt mii most....
so ii rather you sae everii thing out,
than wanted mii to guess your motive....
even though ii am able to guess correctly,
but ii dun hope to use my brain on you...
it will make myself looks so tired and sick....

chat with dear, jessica juv now...
since when have we chatted for tat long???
from almost yishun back to my house here....
hahahax.....=DD
meetin her either on thu or fri....
den sat might be goin gym....
looking forward????
hahahax....=DD

oh ya....
in the morning saw RYAN....
he goin yishun ite for a sports event....
and he told mii tat now work,
is onlii $6 per hour....
eekx....=x
den ii wont take in to consideration le....
dear sae will help look out for tutor job...
hehehehex.....=DD
hope both of us can get some....=P

today, ii went to visit my brother...
oso dunno why, ii feel so heart-broken...
juv like is my boyfriend inside...
my brother looks good,
but ii need to miss school in order to accompany my mother there....
overall, ii afraid this semester cant pass siia....
muz work hard in test le....

ii will have NO LIFE,
after my brother got in.....
everii saturday and sunday,
need accompany my parents.....
den weekdays ii need study....
ii muz be more and more further to my friends le....

talked to TAN YIQIANG yesterday....
ii will never forget what you said to mii...
how sweet can he be.....
without mii beside him,
he seems less troubles.....
he said ii always create troubles,
den let him solve and settle for mii....
but now.....
without mii, he less one person to create trouble for him,
however...without him, ii oso work verii well....
no need to depend on him,
ii can oso lead my life better....

TAN YIQIANG....
the sun rise means a brand new day starts,
a sun set doesnt means a day end,
it means.... stars and moon come out to shine the sky....
becos of stars and moon,
even though ii need to past my day with darkness,
ii am still accompanied with stars and moon....
ii said you are the sun in my world,
den ii can onlii be your star tat watch and shine for you secrectly....

当某人把你的消息传达给我时，
我才发现，
原来，你只是在我转身的位置！
只要我一转身。。。
就能看见你停滞在我身后，
等着我转身看着你！
在你眼中，
我能看见你想对我说什么。。。
你带走整个世界 只留下这黑夜
冷了要拥抱谁 眼前只剩一条棉被

ii LOVE you like hell lo.....
wait and wait,
till the day ii leave this world,
ii oso hardly will forget....
when will be the day ii can stay by your side???
maybe can wait till next life ba....
lets make a promise,
till next life, ii will be the guy you be the girl....
but we cant let history repeat again!!!
we dun come from anii rich family,
den can continue our story to next life....

我们不要管有没有以后，
只关心现在的感觉就好。。。
可是，这句话似乎不该用在我身上，
因为只靠爱情是不能喂饱我的，
我要的是能延续生命的水或面包。。。
可以在我决定倒下时，
好好地安慰我，扶起我吗？？

*dun malign mii when you didnt give a chance to explain*

seems verii long never update le...
now got time, den come update...
ii didnt went to school on friday...
cos one of my far relative passed away...
so accompany my mother went down to help out...
ii oso unable to go to school on MONDAY.....
cos ii goin to visit my brother at the army!!!!!
so XINYI....
ii cant make it for the movie!!!!!!!!!!!
so SORRII!!!!! :(

JESSICA....
sorrii.....
ii become more and more unsteady le.....
everii time if sat, ii should can go out de....
but now.... ii cant even accompany you to library!!!!!
feel so BAD....
next time ii cant sae ii verii ON or STEADY le!!!!!

ii miss those days of goin out....
and today, when goin out for dinner,
ii able to guess where my father will go for dinner,
and my father praise mii tat,
ii am CLEVER....
hahahahax.....
how ii hope ii am not tat CLEVER!!!!!

so clever yet stupid....
CONTRADICT?????
clever to know everii situation, but stupid on making decisions????
but ii know, whatever decision ii made,
ii shouldnt regret....
becos, tis are wat ii choose....
a life is hold by the person,
how life should goes,
is depending on how the person hold it....

HAPPII BIRTHDAY TO YOU....

HAPPII BIRTHDAY TO YOU....

HAPPII BIRTHDAY TO YIQIANG.....

HAPPII~~BIRTHDAY~~TO~~~YOU!!!!!

tml will be 19th of October....

about 2hours later.....

yiqiang was born at 2.34am, 19th October 1986.....

so... when the time strikes to 2.34am later....

ii will wish him a HAPPII BIRTHDAY, in my heart.....

when SINGAPORE is 2.34am,

in VANCOUVER will be 6.34pm....

but, it is not 19th....

TAN YIQIANG.....

ii finally can know how you feel without mii beside you....

juv like you know how ii feel without you beside mii....

but now, my heart become more and more hard....

the tears ii drop seems to become a tool for my heart to harden....

冰雪是我铁了心的眼泪。。。

ii didnt drink from the past two days....

so guai ba???

hahahahax....

oh ya...

ii bought a magazine of the cover got ‘飞轮海’....

hahahax....=DD

5 bucks....but was March wan....=(

ii oso wan go their concert le...

whoever can sponsor mii go, ii will LOVE him/her for my whole life...

ii consider on working for friday and saturday,

den ii can earn enough for the concert,

and for my daily expenses....

maybe wait for manyu finish her exam,

den we go work together again....

okiie, manyu???=D

我一直相信，

我的爱，从有一天会有人来接受的。。。

可是。。。在这冰冷的世界里，

我的笑容，又能持续多久呢？？

终于我也会到了，

想笑、想哭，却没有力气的时候。。。

it is so stupid for mii to tink of you le....
you are juv like JACOB,
ii like JACOB when ii played a prank on him,
den ii like you becos it develop from an eye candy feeling....
but till the end, ii wont get anii thing....
so ii no need to pursue it anii more....

ii contradicted with my words in previous posts....
ii said wont take initiative to talk to him or let him sense anii thin,
but ii still did...
ii said ii wont develop anii feelings other than eye candy,
but ii still did...
ii said dun wan hurts and scars on myself again,
but ii still did....
ii didnt do wat ii said at first,
so ii deserved all the hurts and scars....
tis were my punishments,
cant blame others for it....

ii talked to TAN YIQIANG,
for the past two days....
his birthday is coming....
this sunday, 19th of October, Libra man....
22nd birthday to TAN YIQIANG....
the verii first birthday without mii celebrating with him....
in the past 6years, we celebrated together.....
but this year, ii cant celebrate with him!!!!!
TAN YIQIANG asked mii,
if ii wanna go over and celebrate with him....
is realii a verii crazy act....

ii couldnt leave here,
in the past ii cant, now ii even cant go.....
lots and lots of things happened,
ii didnt leave together with you,
now ii oso do not have the rights to leave....
somemore my problems still not solved yet...

okiie...
if TAN YIQIANG, dun scold or nag mii....
he wont be my MR. NICE le....
but everii time nag the same thing,
verii siian le...=PP
my dear oso wan mii to take care of myself,
dun worrii everii one....
ii am FINE, realii FINE....=DDD

manyu....
give mii my BELATED present first,
den ii can buy yours willingly!!!!
hehehehex.....=DDD
ii keep chase you for my present siia....
hahahahax.....

这六年来，你是抱着怎样的心态来面对我？？？
从我和calvin在一起，
到我们放开，
到david离开，
到我交一个个男朋友，
到calvin结婚、生孩子
到你告白，
到我喜欢上别人，
到我失败，
到你要离开了。。。

我们之间存在的，
是对彼此的疼爱，
还是你一人的付出？？？
我到了你要离开时才给你‘名分’，
而你也从来不会向我多要。。。
“你从来都不知道，我有多爱你”
“你其实是用我不懂的方式来爱我，对吗？”

ii wont start searching for my the other half,
at least show some respect to TAN YIQIANG....
and now, ii cant pursue happiness yet....
becos, more and more things dumped to mii....

ii always thought ii got it, however till the end ii got nothing!!
not even a single from you!!!
my msn nick for today....

you know wat is my intention,
same to mii....
ii know wat is ur real intention....
dun worrii.....
ii wont continue tis way,
becos at last, there will be an expected outcome....

dun treat mii too good....
before ii realii fall in love on you,
leave mii alone....
ii muz admit,
ii realii did develop a new stage on you....
from an eye candy,
to 'LIKE".....
however.....
it wont go anii further....
becos, juv now ii alreadii cant take it le!!!!
if ii go further,
ii will be like the past again....

还好我只是刚刚喜欢上你，
在感情还没生化的时候，
我跳出来，
这样会更容易也不会受更重的伤！！

my brother kanna caught le....
but his leave, took away my father's smile....
ii thought his leave might be a good thing to my family,
however.... now his leave,
made my father feel so upset.....
more and more things come together....
ii walked till too tired,
ii need to drag my feet in order to continue walking.....

不是说‘傻人有傻福吗？’，
那老天，我把我的聪明给你，
让我也有点福气，
可以吗？？？

should apologize to TAN YIQIANG.....
ii drank alot whenever ii feel moody....
and was realii alot....
ii might lost conscious after ii am drunk,
but after ii wake up,
the problems still there....
but ii still enjoy the feeling of without conscious....
at least, ii am able to forget everii thing,
for tat moment....

if ii know it will become like tat,
ii wont even step out of house...
however,
there is no 'if'.....

firstly, feel so sorrii to poly friends....
xiujing, sing ning, cordelia and gang....
ii thought it will be a fun day,
however.... a phone call spoilt whole thing.....

ii dun wan my life covered with all this!!!!!
if fight or cold war can settle all this,
den let mii the one....
ii know ii am not tat important,
however, if ii am able capable to do it,
ii will do it!!!!!

if "GOD" realii disallow my life be sweet with my eye candy,
and use this problem to punish mii,
den ii can sae.....
ii admit defeat to FATE and DESTINY again!!!!!
ii am realii afraid tat ii wont have strength to hold myself down,
juv yesterday.....
ii stood at window for more than a hour,
thoughts, memories flashed through my mind,
it seems tat nothin able to keep mii behind.....

at last, was a phone call tat made mii woke up.....
dun bear to see mii,
cryin, thinkin foolishly, calvin called....
dunno whether is it true,
juv nice he finished talking with yiqiang,
and yiqiang asked him to call mii....
calvin chat with mii for about 15mins,
ii have no much energy to continue,
so hanged up....

TAN YIQIANG.....
is it true tat you can sense my sadness???
becos ur timing is always so accurate.....
even it was juv coincidence,
but ii still willing to believe tat you are able to.....
as if ii dun believe,
ii might hurt more and deeper.....
if this will be wat ii get after giving my feelings and heart,
will ii still pursue LOVE????

there are something ii wont admit defeat to FATE,
becos ii know those things can be achieve if ii work harder....
ii might not work enough, so ii cant get wat ii wan,
till the day if ii worked hard, but still cant get wat ii wan,
ii will den believe,
there are realii somethings tat hard work cant changed....

当一切回到原点，
你已经不在我身边了，
我还执著于什么呢？？
我们在两条直线上行走，
无论我们走的再快、再远，
我们也不会有交接的一天。。。
那我是不是能，
跳下我的直线，
往你的直线上走呢？？

我是否还有勇气去追求自己的幸福？？？
这个答案，好像只有我自己知道。。。
虽然知道我又会受伤，
但是。。。没努力过就放弃，
我会很不甘心的！！！

ii updated jessica with my recent incident....
which was......
my eye candy!!!!
at first ii didnt want to talk to him,
ii sense tat he know wat ii wan....
if he is wat ii tink, he will be able to guess my motive right....

den my dearest laopo.....
she actually made mii smile by her msg!!!!!
=DDDD
she asked mii how old is him, and asked mii to dump the previous one away,
and catch this one....
hahahahax.....=DDD

and ya....
jessica came to look for mii,
in my SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahax.....
she is so sweet to waited for mii about,
few hours?????
and she didnt grumble at all....
so nice and sweet, isnt it????
tat is why ii sae,
she will be my 'BAO BEI', 'DEAR', 'LAO PO', 'HONEY'.....
all those words to describe my boyfriend,
will be using on JESSICA....

dun worrii....
both of us are STRAIGHT!!!!!
both of us got someone in our mind...
hehehex....
is a secret!!!!!!!!!!!
=DDD
jessica saw my eye candies' photo,
she sae the previous wan looks like wont last long,
den the new wan looks better.....
hahahax....
muz listen to 'dear dear' advice....

after tat, both of went causeway point to buy the jumper...
at first ii buyin with my poly friends,
den jessica saw it,
heart itchy lo.....
oso bought one!!!!
hehehehex....=DD
den we need to rush back home,
try to rush for the 7.40pm moive....
and ii expected jordan wont not make it....
so clever of mii!!!!!
so ii managed to take a bath before meetin jessica....

daddy....
pls dun always use this....
ii got the phobia of it.....
so pls....
dun torture mii with it.....
ii unable to give you promises.....
cos ii dun wan to disappoint you more!!!!!
daddy....
pls dun scare mii anii more!!!!
ii am afraid ii cant take it....

iziit, "GOD" see mii to sweet with my eye candy????
so wont let mii have long-term happiness....
so fast have another obstacle for mii to jump over....
den wat should ii do????
however....if a choice is given to mii....
ii will choose my FAMILY than MY MAN!!!!!
so pls "GOD"....
stop all the test!!!!!
ii realii dunno how much strength ii had left....
ii am afraid, ii might leave earlier than my daddy!!!!!

'dun ask for my forgiveness when you actually hurt mii more than you expected'
my msn's nick for today...
'plz remember that in each tear i shed, is an 'i love you' left unsaid'
took this from xiujing msn's nick....
ii like it siia!!!!!

this words are in the mail, manyu sent mii....
如果我還一直深愛著你...你是否還會待在我身邊?
如果我還一直在乎著你...你是否會再多看我一眼?
是否我已不存在了...你才感覺的到我的離開?
是否我已離開了....你才感覺的到我對你的好?


ii realii is a DUMB lo.....
feel good ytd, but now in class,
feel so damn emo....
ii tink most likely is cos of my eye candy ba????
at first ii still feel fine, was after the UT tat made mii feel so down....
and ii managed to shed tears out,
if ii keep thinkin and dun control myself,
ii realii let my poly friends saw my tears le!!!!!

cordelia was much more emo than mii...
maybe she trapped herself too deep,
so harder to let go....
but for mii....
he is onlii an eye candy,
so ii wont let mysef fall so deeply....
and after today,
ii might not even put him in my mind....

TAN YIQIANG....
why cant you juv be an ordinary guy???
becos you are too high-class,
so ii feel low-class when with you....
ii dun like myself to tink in this way!!!
ii know you oso dun like mii in this way...
however, tis are FACTS!!!!!

dun treat mii too good as if you cant give mii anii thing....
ii rather you sae things out, than treating mii good,
and will let mii tink more.....
becos, ii dun wan to be a fool or idiot,
so dun try to test my patience.....
if one day, ii realii vent my anger out,
den dun sae ii am unreasonable!!!!!

by the way.....
an edit before puttin an end on this post....
ii deleted my eye candy num on the way down to meet xiujing and gang....
ii tink no point leaving his num in,
as he oso dunno ii got his num....
cut down all the unnecessary thoughts or feelings on him....
since now ii didnt make myself fall till too deep!!!!!
cos....the scars and hurts are left unseen.....

okiie....
today, my mood not too bad...
now ii am at my school library....
jessica was so shocked to heard mii here...
however...my tests are here....
ytd juv had my enterprise test....
dunno how is the outcome, juv hope tat will be average.....

tml will be science test...
now ii am studying for my science test....
realii damn difficult de!!!!!!
OMG....
ii tink will flunk ba????
however, ii will try my verii best....
in order to get more leaves for the following weeks....
1 test = 4 daily grades
therefore, if ii get a 'A' for my test,
den ii can have at least 4 days leave...
hehehex....

watchin 'Vampire Knights' now...
an anime tat ii watched when 'Naruto' is not out....
this anime is alreadii season 2 le....
2 more episodes and end season 1....
the guys are so handsome....
hehehex!!!!!!
ii oso want to live in anime life.....
can let those guys 'like' mii!!!!
okiie...
tink too much le...

short update...=D